You Might Be From Colgate If…

William Hilsman

You’ve read those college guidebooks right? You know, the ones that help high school juniors and seniors decide where to go to college? If you’re anything like me, you flip to the pages about Colgate University. You read them. Then you complain about how inaccurate they are. None of them seem to really grasp the essence of what it means to go to Colgate. I thought one of these lists might do a better job at getting to the core of life at Colgate. So here we go.

You know you go to Colgate when…

You got rejected from Dartmouth.

Going to the library counts as a social outing.

Moderation doesn’t apply to you.

Formals are guarantees.

You do most of your schoolwork Tuesday and Sunday nights.

The word “diversity” makes you feel warm and fuzzy.

You lived in East Hall, and never mention it.

You waste time and money on distribution requirements.

You don’t attend sporting events.

You’ve debated the definition of “hooking up.”

You weigh yourself more than twice a day.

You went to college without having a library.

Skipping class is related to how well your stock portfolio is doing.

It snows at graduation.

You’ve flirted with Derek.

You know who Derek is.

You get really excited about getting a “prospie.”

You want the exact same profession as your parents.

You don’t go to class the day before break.

You’ve done homework on SPW.

Khaki shorts and flip-flops are appropriate for 30-degree weather.

Walking up the hill counts as exercise.

You think you’re discrete when you text in class.

You choose classes exclusively based on

You’ve never opened an e-mail from Career Services.

You refer to every new person that you meet as “awkward.”

You wear J. Crew and Banana Republic.

Every evening ends at the Jug.

A date is your last resort.

You think you have more work than anyone else.

You count your calories intake from alcohol.

You think you can get a tan in one day.

You don’t do any class readings and still pull a B+.

You’re in a Facebook group called “lost phone, need numbers.”

You’ve signed a lease and still can’t live off campus.

You’ve snuck into Frank.

You think you could have gone to an Ivy if you tried to.

Breakfast cereal is the main part of your diet.

Keystone Light is the other part.

Sweatpants are acceptable classroom attire.

Being “drunk” is an excuse for everything.

You have over 1,000 Facebook pictures.

You’ve never been on a date in college.

You try, and fail, to appear sober when ordering a slice.

You’ve lost your ‘Gate Card more than twice.

You’ve tried to do homework drunk.

You think everyone is middle class.

You think you are the exception.

You think the title “Mini Ivy” really has significance.

You fulfill stereotypes.