Minus the City – The Subtle Art of Talking Dirty

Allie Geiger

There are a couple of ways to bring the sexual experience to the next level. The easiest of these is talking dirty during the business. It can be a little daunting to start this practice, but it will absolutely enhance the proceedings if you can scrape up the courage. I have a couple pointers for those of you who are a bit gun shy.

It’s all in the delivery. Make sure you actually sound sexy, otherwise anything you say will merely be creepily sexual talk. A deep, velvety voice is really where it’s at, but avoid sounding like Christian Bale’s Batman. If you are having trouble talking out loud, know that whispering it directly into your lover’s ear will make it sound much more intimate than talking in a normal voice, anyway.

If you have a good delivery, there are a couple topics you can broach in bed:

1. The easiest topic to tackle is to express what you are experiencing. Does it feel good? Does she look hot? Is he the best? Say so and groan a bit. Simple, yet sexy.

2. The second easiest is to ask what your partner wants. Ask them if they want you to blank them. Or if they want you to blank them harder, faster, longer. Double points if you phrase it like this: “Babe, I would LOVE to verb you/your noun like adjective.” Suggesting, rather than asking, has an air of confidence that is very alluring.

3. It’s more difficult to ask for what you want – but go for it. It will be worth it. Use it to compliment your lover: “Oh my! I adore it when you blank! Can you blank me, my most lovely darling? I would be pleased as punch!”

4. If you’ve mastered the three other types of dirty talking, there is one last really good one. You can ask questions or comment on the other person’s perceptions. Examples of these are asking, in a teasing voice, if your partner likes something while they are clearly loving it. Be careful though, or you may come off too cocky (pun intended).You can be very creative here. You can simply comment that it looks like you “hit that sweet spot” or you can teasingly mention that you might stop, unless they really want you to continue.

All of this chatter can be improved with a little cussing. Although swear words are frowned upon in most polite society, they can indicate to your partner an intensity that you won’t get from other language. On occasion, a well placed curse may get the point out without any other words — that being that you are very, very pleased.

There are a couple of “don’ts” that you should be cognizant of here:

1. It is overwhelmingly annoying to ask if someone is about to orgasm all the time. How can they come if you keep asking all the time?

2. If you do not know this person well, you should not launch into erotic fantasies.

3. It may seem common sense, but do not mention anyone but the person you are in bed with. Not even if you say that your current partner is better than your ex, who was a cheating bastard anyway.

4. Lastly, yelling out “Let’s have sex!” does not count as talking dirty. It doesn’t count as anything but proof that you are an idiot. You may laugh, but I have heard from several people that this does happen. Furthermore, none of the exclaimers got their requests fulfilled.