Minus the City – Finishing Last

Allie Geiger

Everyone knows the old adage that nice boys finish last. No one ever says anything about nice girls. I was talking to my lab partner this week while we had an equipment break down (that’s what she said!) working on our senior research. We had one of those conversations that senior girls tend to have. Just a hint: it revolved around the fact that, on occasion, boys can be dumb. My partner dished about how ‘Gate boys refuse to ask her out and how she hates the hookup culture here. Pretty typical.

The kicker is that my lab partner is pretty, charming, funny, smart and sweet. She has never had a boyfriend at ‘Gate, although she has had several at home. There is nothing wrong with my lab partner, that’s for damn certain. Please forgive me for what I am about to say, it will be the last of its kind in the column: there may well be something wrong with boys.

I know that boys think that this is not their fault, because nice boys finish last. And you are ALL nice boys, I know. According to the nice boys I have talked to (two of whom I live with), a lot of girls seem to be drawn to asshole boys. Furthermore, jerks are usually more outgoing than nice boys, so girls have more opportunities to “interact” with unkind fellows. All of this means that the majority of nice boys feel that they finish last.

This is, however, crap. Nice boys have nothing on nice girls. The standard nice boy rant is that all his female friends, none of whom would ever consider him datable, constantly bitch to him about how boys treat them like poop. All of the nice boy’s romantic woes are pinned on girls. But why would you want to date a girl who lets men treat her like crap? Maybe nice boys are just looking at the wrong girls.

Seriously, there is a horde of untapped and very datable girls on this campus. There is the same complex on the part of nice males when it comes to nice girls. Nice girls are not viewed as a challenge, so it’s not considered as intriguing to try and date them. This means that nice girls get very little play. Being a nice girl is even worse than being a nice boy, though, because nice girls don’t get the advertising that nice boys do.

Males never consider dating the shy girls in the back of their classes or blowing things up with the nerdy-but-cute chicks in the physics club. It seems that bookish girls are deemed unapproachable because they are quiet. It’s a lot easier to approach the outgoing girls, but those are the ones everyone else is approaching (and are often approaching everyone). Additionally, boys extrapolate the high achieving nature of these girls to having high standards for everything, so they must be hard to please. But, really, aren’t all girls hard to please?

Nice boys, stop banging your heads against the wall over the unbangable girls. Start talking to the pretty, nice girls on campus. I promise they are kind and appreciative of your efforts. Also, nice boys, if you are interested in a class of ’09, lactose intolerant chemistry major with charm and style, email me. I may know someone perfect. Scratch that, she may have killed me after reading this, but then she will need a new lab partner…