If you are like most Colgate students, you probably head to the Old Stone jug with little more on your mind than dancing to some Milli Vanilli, swilling some beers (unless, of course, you’re too cheap to shell out a buck for twelve ounces of Old Milwaukee, in which case you got good and drunk beforehand), and maybe meeting a compassionate, intelligent, caring, and sensitive member of the opposite sex who will let you, in the words of Frank Zappa, “play dingle-dangle-dingle with their reproductive equipment.”
But have you ever stopped to wonder about the man behind the scenes — the man who co-owns and operates the establishment that gives so many Colgate students a chance to sing “New York, New York” every Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, and sometimes Monday night. (Frank would be proud — that’s Sinatra, not “the Cop.”) That man is John Koen, or, as he is sometimes known, John Jug.
Have you ever wondered what kind of man he is, or if he really takes a cruise around the world every summer, or how much he pays for those twelve ounces of Old Milwaukee, or what he thinks about the Milli Vanilli scandal and how it will affect the Jug playlist?
I can’t answer any of these pressing questions, but I can give you insight into some of John’s political views, as he expressed them in a recent interview with Bill Moyers. (Okay, it wasn’t actually Bill Moyers, it was a Diversions reporter. But he does look a little like Sam Donaldson with a better hair piece.) Here, for the first time ever in print, are John “Jug” Koen’s views on:
THE CRISIS IN THE GULF:
“First of all, the media gives Hussein too much coverage, and you don’t hear anything about the exiled Kuwaitis — or from them… it’s too bad that the world hears Hussein’s opinions and beliefs, and they don’t hear the Kuwaitis’. That’s my biggest thought on it.”
“My second thought is I think that probably as far as military action goes, it should have been done right at first, like, for example, Libya… It would certainly be saving a lot of money. Secondly, it would save a lot of demonstrations. Because, I mean, people are starting to think about…, I mean, nobody wants war.”
“You know, it’s really crazy how people think Bush [is responsible]. Obviously Bush gets advice from his cabinet. I just can’t see how everyone blames the economy on Bush, the war on Bush, I mean, just because he’s president.”
Obviously it’s not just Bush who makes the policies. It’s the Pentagon, and the cabinet, and you know. So I don’t blame anything on Bush. He’s just the man who signs on the dotted line.”
“I think I missed it. Fortunately I’ve fallen between Vietnam and now this, and I think that when something doesn’t pertain to you, yo0u tend to be careless about it. For example, someone who was sixty years old when they were raising the drinking age — obviously they didn’t care.” (Which brings us to the really important issue in the whole scheme of things — drinking.)
THE DRINKING AGE:
“[My brothers and I were part of] a strong lobby [against the drinking age increase]. We actually went to the state capitol and had a petition drive. We sent out 30,000 petitions to all the alcohol establishments in New York state.”
Well, let’s hope that we have more luck in the Gulf than we did in fighting the drinking age. Maybe next time you’re in the Jug and you have to ask someone of age to buy you a beer, maybe you should think about asking him to fill in for you when your number comes up. But then again, I hear that the drinking age is eighteen in Canada. And the beer’s better, too.