Minus the City – The Orgasm

Cary Reed

I love reading men’s magazines. As fun as it is to flip through Cosmo‘s informative – albeit sometimes bogus – instructions on how to attract the male species, it’s even more fun to read articles about what apparently works on me: Guarantee her orgasm! Even though it took her twenty-one years to figure it out herself, just follow these easy steps! There are even little snips on the side of the page near the binding to make it easy to rip out of the magazine and carry around in your pocket. Just in case. I know some girls who would want a reference like that.

The female orgasm is such a mystery for some, and it wasn’t until last year that I fully understood why. Yes, the answer to what boys want you to touch is pointing right at you, but since when has the female species ever made anything that easy? Surely the orgasm is there somewhere, you’re just not finding it. Right?

Last fall, the Colgate Activities Board sponsored a female orgasm lecture on some random Tuesday in Olin Hall. Of course, I went. After the boys were kicked out, we examined the female reproductive system via powerpoint and shared embarrassing first-time masturbation though-I-didn’t-know-what-it-was stories. And then came the statistics: around 43 percent of American women are either non-orgasmic or will be non-orgasmic for a significant period of time in their lives. Of the remaining 57 percent, only 30 percent can orgasm during sexual intercourse. While regurgitating these statistics to a friend last week, I experienced belated shock: out of 100 women, only seventeen can orgasm during intercourse. I don’t buy it. I want to know who was doing the testing.

Since I ask Jeeves everything, I decided to see what he knows about the topic. There are lots of websites devoted to the male and female orgasm, many of which describe the men as having them and women achieving them. It sounds like such a profound and serious accomplishment: “I am proud to say that we have achieved diversity in the workplace, success climbing Mount Everest without oxygen, and orgasm!”

Because there are several kinds of female orgasms that can each vary in length and intensity, there are many ways to “achieve” them, a process that depends solely on the preferences of the girl. This makes me wonder about the possibility of guaranteeing a female orgasm on a single typed page. Technique alone is not what’s at stake: it’s not that 43 percent of the female population can’t orgasm, it’s that she’s wondering if he’s enjoying it, or if he can feel that she hasn’t shaved her legs in a week, or if she took her pill within the two hour allotted time slot.

It’s not that these magazines are entirely worthless; they can serve as good suggestions and are often quite entertaining. But to ensure that the person you’re hooking up with will fully enjoy the process, remember that simply inquiring about preferences is a lot sexier than unfolding that piece of paper you ripped out earlier.