Minus the City – Taste the Rainbow

Cary Reed

The day before I left for college, my aunt, after a few too many glasses of wine, told me to eat lots and lots of M&M’s. She was talking about boys.

“There are red ones, yellow ones, blue ones, ones missing the peanut, ones with a crack in the shell, milk chocolate, dark chocolate and you have to try them all before you know which one you want to eat for the rest of your life,” she said. My mom asked her if she was suggesting I turn into a slut.

“We’ll there’s no reason to eat bags and bags of them. I’m just saying that you should make sure to try a good handful.”

To a first-year girl who owns the social scene, this is sound advice. Even before you step on campus, sophomore, junior, and senior boys are chomping at the bit to get you in their party, place or pants. To be a first-year girl is a free pass into any man-made social event. Take advantage of this: by senior year, boys become legends and girls become old maids. This means you have three solid years to grab a good handful.

Let’s analyze Colgate’s selection: 2,800 students divided by two means 1,400 boys. Subtract from that the number of boys who are taken, who are gay, who don’t meet your hair color/height/size-of-butt requirement, those much younger, those who have already hooked up with a friend of a friend, and suddenly what we’re dealing with is only a moderately sized rectangular bag of M&M’s. Take into account that you’ll never meet an Econ boy because all of your classes are in Lawrence, and the bag is reduced to a Halloween square. And what do you do once you’ve eaten them all?

Yesterday at the Coop I overheard two senior girls discussing graduation and the impending doom of their current relationships. One listened intently while the other played with her straw. “I don’t want to marry him, but I haven’t found anyone else, you know?” The other nodded.

While there is something to be said for being in a stable relationship, there’s no reason to worry about graduating without one. To all the single girls who have eaten their fun-size bag or to those whose pack was filled with nuts, remember there’s a big world outside of Colgate, and one that you can’t compare to the small sample offered here. Don’t take this time to sulk over a lost love or search franticly for a new one: step back and take inventory of your M&M’s. Now, I’m not telling you to eat the king size bag either, but I see no reason why you should settle for a lesser amount.

This isn’t to say that you can’t find your ideal M&M in a small handful — in fact it is wonderful if you do — rather keep in mind that this won’t be the last time you meet boys. Dating is great: if you haven’t found the kind you like best, it’s an excuse to keep eating.