ETC: A Dope, Ill and Bonk Final Performance


Abby Blair, Maroon-News Staff

When was the last time you saw someone get pantsed? For many, it was this past weekend, and the victim was senior George Karamanoukian. With ten members, 30 skits and 60 hilarious minutes, the Experimental Theater Company’s (ETC) last show of the year “Neither Dope, Nor Ill, Nor Bonk,” was a whirlwind of laughs and excitement featuring some of Colgate’s biggest and brightest personalities.

For the shows on Friday, April 26, and Saturday, April 27, 30 pieces of paper numbered one through 30 were hung on a clothesline on stage. It was up to the audience to determine the order of the skits by calling out numbers. The only thing that gave any hint to what the skits were about were their titles, provided on the back of the show pamphlet. Many had to do with the topics of the skits, while others were abstract and left the plot a complete surprise.

“Bilogeddon” was one such skit. It was a sequel to a skit performed by ETC last semester that featured senior co-presidents of the group, Karamanoukian and Gabby Durr, along with first-year Magnus Vogel. Last semester, Karamanoukian and Durr were a Russian married couple who worked as marriage counselors. This weekend they acted out that same couple working as SAT tutors. Vogel played a young man who comes in for tutoring but turns out to be their son whom they gave up for adoption. They came to this conclusion by seeing that, as their son, Vogel inherited mannerisms, nonsensical sayings and a full dance routine.

One skit that had the audience cackling was “A Girl Walks Into A Bar (… ouch).” Many can understand the trials and tribulations of getting the bar- tender’s attention on a night out. Sophomore Emily Rahhal took the stage as a woman with a solid plan for getting that attention. She first assures her friends that she can handle it, fixes herself up a bit and then walks over to the imaginary bar. After a brief pause, she starts screaming at the top of her lungs for help. After attempting a number of absurd ploys (and being foiled by her concerned friends each time), she finally gets three vodka Redbulls by convincing the bartender that the bartender’s mother just passed, and her dying wish was for her daughter to make those drinks.

Sophomore Fritz Grunert enjoyed skits like this because of how relatable they are for Colgate students.

“ETC did a great job of turning everyday and not-so-everyday activities at Colgate into some knee-slapping comedy skits,” Grunert said.

Unfortunately for seniors Durr, Karamanoukian and Brian Regan, this was their final ETC performance. Reflecting on his last show, Karamanoukian was less sad that it was over, but rather grateful that he got to take part in it.

“I told everyone I was sure I would cry on stage once I realized that it was my last show… but that never happened. I think it’s because I was too proud to be sad: too proud of the people who made the show happen, too proud of all the work we’ve done and too proud of how unbelievably smart and intricate each of these people’s brains are. When I look back at Colgate, my time in ETC will be at the forefront of those memories. I will miss everyone in ETC, but I know I will see them again. You just better pray that it’s when we all become part of the SNL cast,” he said.

Contact Abby Blair at [email protected].