How-to: Avoid Tickets

Kristin Koch

I’m sure if you drive a car, you have incurred at least $100 in fines from Campus Safety. Maybe you parked up the hill before 3:30 p.m. or parked in a staff parking spot (with the library under construction it’s impossible to find a parking spot) or maybe you not only parked up the hill before 3:30 p.m., but you also parked in a fire lane (that’ll cost you a good $85 in case you were wondering). While I do not understand why the administration cannot come up with a better system for parking at the library (I mean is there any better way to encourage students not to study?), a way for students to park up the hill for those 15 minute meetings you have with your advisor or provide a shuttle service that actually runs on time, I have found ways to get up the hill on time without incurring a ticket. So I have come up with a few tricks for avoiding a ticket next time you need to park up the hill. (Warning: this system is not fool proof and I cannot be blamed for any tickets you might receive by following this advice. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that they tend to strike when you least expect it – almost like they’re tempting you to park up the hill by not giving you a ticket the first two times you do it). But here are a few tips:1. Try hiding out behind the Saperstein Jewish Center. There are a few spots right behind the center that those Durangos cannot see from the road. Admissions or Spear House are other places that sometimes work for short bits of time.2. Stop driving that hummer. Campus Safety is aware of the salaries paid to the professors on this campus, and for most, a hummer is just not in the budget.3. Remove all stickers from your car that indicate you are a student including your Phish sticker, the bumper sticker encouraging the use of marijuana, etc. Maybe they will mistake your car for that of a faculty member, which brings me back to point two.4. Be careful to avoid fire lanes and handicap spots. A $25 ticket is one thing, an $85 dollar ticket plus towing fine is a whole different ballgame. Try explaining that one to your parents. Plus the place where you pick up your car when it gets towed is sketchy to say the very least. 5. Trade cars with your sibling who goes to a school where cars can actually be driven. That way you can park wherever and your sibling will get the ticket and he or she can still graduate without ever paying.6. Flirt, compliment and sweet talk those campus safety officers. I have a friend who is a notoriously bad driver (she’s gotten pulled over sober and the officer made her take a breathalyzer – she’s that bad). Anyway … she has been pulled over on a fairly regular basis for speeding, or swerving or just driving like my 85-year-old grandma who can’t see over the steering wheel, and each time by flashing a coy little smile and inquiring about the officer’s kids, she got off. This also works with state troopers, as I discovered while driving to Colgate.7. Develop a carpool system with your friends or fraternity/sorority members. I know that for many girls at Kappa Alpha Theta, carpool is their favorite part of the day.8. Become a brother at Sigma Chi and get a free parking space up the hill. Or maybe just park your car there – I doubt anyone will notice. SUV’s fit in nicely.9. Steal one of the faculty members’ parking stickers and park wherever you desire. However, this is probably a federal offense and could lead to much more severe consequences than a $25 ticket. However, if successful, your winter at Colgate will be a lot easier.10. Park in the Dean ofthe Faculty’sspot. Maybe thecampus safety officer will be unable to imagine a student who would have the audacity to park in his spot (sorry Dean Roelofs).