SpongeBob Queer Pants?? Nothing but Nautical Nonsense

Dan Murphy

The Christian Right is at it again. Their target: an oceanic sponge that lives in a pineapple under the sea. When his lovable cartoon is not hanging out with his buddy Patrick, he spends his days at the Krusty Krab, flipping Krabby Patties. Yes, SpongeBob SquarePants is apparently driving American children to a life of moral bankruptcy. Let me explain.The porous and yellow SpongeBob is set to star in a children’s music video of the disco hit “We Are Family.” Producing the video is the We Are Family Foundation, a nonprofit group aimed at promoting tolerance and diversity. This all seems reasonable, right? Well not to Dr. James Dobson and his group “Focus on Families.” Dobson objects to the mission statement of the We Are Family Foundation. It says: “To help keep diversity a wellspring of strength and make America a better place for all, I pledge to have respect for people whose abilities, beliefs, culture, race, sexual identity or other characteristics are different from my own.” He claims that the group is advocating homosexuality to children “Their inclusion of the reference to ‘sexual identity’ within their ‘tolerance pledge’ is not only unnecessary, but it crosses a moral line,” Dobson said. This is nothing but nautical nonsense. In fact, when I heard this story, I almost dropped to the deck flapped like a fish!Seriously though, there is nothing wrong with the pledge of the We Are Family Foundation that a child should not absorb. The message promotes treating others with respect and dignity. Respecting all people, regardless of sexual orientation, is a lesson all children should receive. By raising his objections to the foundation’s tolerance pledge, Dobson suggests that it is immoral to respect people of different sexual identity. His assertions are bigoted and backwards. But really, are grade school children really going to be aware of any of this?When kids sit down and pop in the tape of SpongeBob and others dancing around to “We Are Family,” they don’t care who sponsored the video. I don’t think a nine year old would think, “Gee, the sponsor of this music video, the We Are Family Foundation, supports respecting the rights of gays and lesbians.” When will Conservatives in this country ever get a grip? People these days wonder why our country has become so divided along social lines, but to hear a story like this, it is no surprise. In the liberal northeast, this is just another example of some Bible Belt group running amok. Does SpongeBob promote homosexuality? Not that I can tell and if he did, so what? Maybe we shouldn’t promote heterosexuality in children’s videos either, that way the next generation of American will never get laid. I’m sure Dobson and his Fanatical Family organization would be OK with that.SpongeBob is a source of happiness and joy for children and adults alike. Perhaps Dobson and his cohorts should take that into consideration. To close this column, I will quote a brave, noble and wise sea Captain. Enjoy:

“Oh, who lives in a Pineapple under the sea?Absorbent and yellow and porous is he.If nautical nonsense is somethin’ you withThen drop on the deck and flap like a fish.”