To my mother, who prepared a lovely thanksgiving meal, I apologize for breaking a champagne glass, four plates, and that pretty casserole dish you got from Vienna. Next year, I’ll watch the football game.
To the guy who I left riding the blue ball express, I apologize for falling asleep.
To four unlucky kids outside Stillman Hall, Thursday morning 2 a.m, I apologize for throwing dozens of those really cheap BIC pens down at you. They were all capped, so luckily you didn’t get all inky. It’s just that I don’t like BICs quality – I’m more of gel tip kind of girl. Plus, it was really funny to see you duck and run for cover.
To the guy whose crotch I spilled coffee on a couple of weeks ago, I apologize for inquiring into your injury and your child-bearing capabilities.
To the RA who stormed into our room and wrote up the entire world, I apologize for pulling some James Bond-like moves on you upon your morning adventure to the bathroom, including, but not limited to, a cleverly arranged bucket of water.
To my roommate Jane, who has balls in her throat, I apologize for pointing out the obvious humor of your voice problem.
To the administration who decided to conduct their Marijuana Abuse Mandatory seminar at 4:20, I apologize for laughing at you.
To all my Jewish comrades, I apologize for going over to the other side – those Christmas carols are just too luring, and I always did have a warm spot in my heart for that mistletoe.
To my professors, who have encouraged me to become knowledgeable and to challenge myself in all ways intellectual, I apologize for the winter break, where I will take it upon myself to forget absolutely everything I have learned.