The transition from living up the hill to living down the hill can be rough for many. Coupled with the perks of having much more living space is the increased responsibility of taking care of yourself. For those not on the meal plan, this means having to get yourself to Price Chopper, which is difficult without personal transportation on campus, and setting aside time to make meals – it’s quite the task if you haven’t cooked before. As much as I enjoy eating ramen noodles and Easy Mac for all of my meals, I’d hate for my friends and family to think I’m living like my first-year self. There’s a solid way to fix this without actually having to spend the time to learn how to cook. The only thing you actually need to do is give off the impression that you can whip together a five-course meal or a marginally edible dish.
The first way to disseminate the idea that you’re a decent chef is to talk up a big game. Talk to your friends about how much time you spent making that grilled chicken – ideally, over an hour is attention grabbing – and you’ll be asked for dinner dates in no time. Use terms such as “reduction”, “gratin” and “sauté.” The more French it sounds, the better. Make sure you mention to your friends the weird cooking utensil used to make your dish. You don’t have to actually do these things, but oftentimes the most grandiose claims will not be questioned.
If you manage to get your family to think that you’re actually capable of
taking care of yourself, you have to back up your talk. Presentation is the easiest way to turn that bowl of dry pasta into a Picasso masterpiece. The best method of creating an impressive piece is overstimulation: a diverse array of colors and items can make whatever you make look delightful. Use a truckload of garnishes and faux-fancy plates. This comes with the responsibility of maintaining a successful social media profile that effectively highlights your fake ability to cook. Camera angles and wonky filters are your best friend. I would recommend the popular Instagram profile of junior Lila Sullivan (@munchwithlila) – her food looks delicious, and it tastes fantastic. You can accomplish half of that by merely upping your social media brand.
When you’ve finally won over your friends and family, they’ll want to actually eat something that you claim to make really well. It seems daunting at first, but have no fear. The favorite cooking tool of lazy bums and busy bodies alike is the Crockpot! The most rigorous task in making a Crockpot meal is chopping up a bunch of veggies or meats for 15 minutes, throwing it in and going about our merry day and coming back home to a delicious meal. Meats, soups, stews, chili and more can be made in this life-changing device. Hiding it in the kitchen and serving it up in some aforementioned aesthetically pleasing styles can take you from an average Joe to a Gordon Ramsay in one meal.
There’s no real skill needed in convincing everyone you can cook, but there are effective ways to sustainably keep them fooled. With success, your family will love you, people will want to date you and you can go about your day eating ramen and Easy Mac in the comfort of your home.