Have you ever stayed up wondering if your crush likes you back? Or spent far too much of your precious time wondering what a two-minute interaction could mean? I’ve interviewed a range of Colgate University students to try and better understand how they might go about pursuing those they are interested in. The goal of this article is to help you determine what others’ actions could mean and understand common encounters that might be misinterpreted.
After interviewing several guys on campus, I’ve found that they like to start building a friendship first; they don’t want to create expectations and instead try to establish a sense of comfort with the person they are romantically interested in. Although some might say that asking a girl out would be a more confident approach, one could argue that a slower approach radiates more confidence. You could say that it shows they don’t feel threatened by other guys and trust that if it is meant to happen, it will. Many girls prefer a slow burn. They want to feel valued beyond initial attraction and want to see if their relationship could last.
Other girls appreciate the “don’t waste my time” mentality. They find boldness flattering, and they believe they deserve transparency. They prefer guys to immediately express their interest, which can be more efficient than if you befriend her first. It also prevents the possibility of guys getting emotionally attached to someone who will never end up seeing them as more than a friend. However, as I already touched on, it can also feel hurtful to girls, like guys don’t care about who they truly are.
There is also a new approach on the rise: the “nonchalant guy.” These guys believe they need to act as “cool as possible” around girls they’re interested in. They become hyperaware of who they are and do their best to appear well-mannered, important and mysterious.
For sophomore Scarlett Firestone, the nonchalant approach is her least favorite. To her, it can often result in a girl never knowing a guy was interested in her, which wouldn’t be a bad thing if he ended up discovering more about her and changing his mind. It’s definitely a limiting approach: if the guy has his guard up, that could make it difficult to connect.
Of the girls I talked to, there seemed to be two different approaches. The first one: acting more friendly than normal. The second isn’t so much an approach but a coping mechanism, which is avoiding the person. A girl trying to appear more friendly to someone she is interested in might look like going out of her way to start conversations, something a few girls said they feel scared doing but do anyway. They would also try to smile a lot, nod along to what they’re saying, ask follow-up questions, maintain eye contact and frequently repeat the name of who they are talking to. Everyone has different levels of friendliness, so some girls may appear very extroverted and invested when talking to guys they like, and others may be only subtly more friendly.
Most girls who like someone but try to avoid them do so because they don’t feel safe around the person yet. They might avoid eye contact, pretend to be busy or start talking loudly to their friend when they’re near and even try to hide their presence.
I find it so fascinating the way we interact with each other, especially when we like someone romantically. How strange is it that even when two people like each other, they will act counterintuitively? They will argue, lie or hide their feelings from each other. Oftentimes, people will go on with their lives, having a false understanding of how they’re perceived by ones they once cared for. Maybe this is because of insecurities, past relationships or the way they were raised. Why is it so hard for people to communicate these feelings? If anything, it is becoming more and more common for people to mask their emotions. Of course, there are no hard and fast rules that apply to everyone, but I hope this article provides some insight. I hope you allow yourself the time to ask why you act the way you do towards those you’re interested in romantically.
