Ah, the week after the involvement fair. While students usually open their phones to a million emails informing them where and when to meet for that club they only joined for the candy, inboxes remained suspiciously empty this year. All eyes were on the update from the Student Government Association that there will be no Springfest this year. After a series of bad investments, the combined Budget Allocations Committee and Colgate Investment Club, now known as the Budget Investment Committee (BIC), had to call off Springfest. Student activity fees? Gone quicker than you can say “OSI” — or the Office of Student Involvement. In line with recent efforts to increase Colgate pride, OSI has begun merging student organizations so that the University can stake its pride not on its more than 100 clubs involving all kinds of students, but, rather, a nice, even 13.
But back to the headlines — while Springfest may not look the same, the BIC reassured students that there will still be a performance. Drumroll please! This year’s headliner is Colgate’s new oldest performance group, the Resochorddrakes (for those unversed in a capella, that’s the Resolutions plus the Dischords plus the Mantiphondrakes). Former Mantiphondrakes president Mary Johnson, who now runs the franken-a capella group, commented on the news.
“I mean, we did always say we were the inclusive a capella group, so I guess that means including the other two?” Johnson said.
Some students expressed discontent with an a cappella group headlining Springfest. Don’t worry — they’ll be joined by their new instrumentalists, the Colgate Pep Band. And if singing is just not your thing, all 16 dance groups are coming together for their first joint performance. We’re going to need a bigger stage.
All this talk of a capella but no mention of The Colgate Thirteen? America’s oldest all-male a capella group (or so they claim) can now be found in Benton Hall alongside the Pre-Law Society, running mock interviews instead of scales. OSI intern Simon Procter commented on the new initiative.
“We figured everyone would end up with jobs at their father’s firms anyway, so why not speed up the process?” Procter said.
While hesitant about the union at first, the Resochorddrakes are now embracing their status as Colgate’s premier a capella — wait, sorry Colgate Pep Band — performance group.
“We appreciate the top billing, but don’t make us wear the blazers,” Johnson said.
Not everyone is as happy as the Resochorddrakes, including sophomore and 13 Degrees contributor Anna Summer. The art and culture magazine recently merged with the literary publication Portfolio.
“They were sitting around discussing poems and I asked when it would be time to take fit checks. Everyone just stared at me,” Summer said. “Seriously though, this club helped me embrace what set me apart from other Colgate students. Now, I feel like no one gets me.”
If your heart goes out to the alt girls on this campus, just wait until you hear about the Model United Nations Debate Society’s first meeting. Voices could be heard from the Lathrop Hall basement until the early hours of the morning. Former Debate president Rebecca DeLaurentis provided insight on the conversations.
“We were trying to explain our rules of procedure and Model UN kept asking when they could pick countries,” DeLaurentis said. “Every time we suggested something, they glared and said ‘dilatory.’ Who are these people? OSI can say both of us just talk anyway, but at least in debate, we discuss actual issues.”
Seems like there sure is a lot of tension on campus. In times like these, we can turn to confidential resources, such as the Office of Chaplains. Unfortunately, students who recently visited the Chapel were greeted with a new sight: the (former) Colgate Christian Fellowship’s 13 Theses nailed to the front door. The document protests their proposed union with the Newman Community.
“If only someone had merely thought to merge the Protestants and Catholics sooner,” international student Michael O’Reilly, who hails from Belfast, said with an eye roll.
While each club is accepting its new reality to varying degrees, the Office of Admissions is emphatically against these updates. Sophomore Admissions Ambassador James Ross shared his thoughts during the free time that he had after his tour — which was scheduled for an hour — took a mere 45 minutes.
“I stepped into the Coop fireplace room and started saying we have over 100 student organizations, but then I remembered. All I could do was stare at the family blankly,” Ross said. “They kept asking me what students do for fun out here or if we have a cheese club, and I didn’t know what to say. How am I supposed to win the award for guide with the most post-tour commitments now?”
And so goes Colgate’s new reality. Effects are rippling out into the village of Hamilton, as Flour & Salt scrambles to accommodate the entirety of the Resochorddrakes for a fall concert. And if anyone is in the market for a van, I hear the once-renowned Colgate Thirteen is selling theirs — who needs transportation when the law firm pays for your Ubers?
