Minus The City: The Dangers of Monogamy

Will Hazzard

A friend of mine pointed out to me the other day that, in this column, I spend a lot of time talking about girls, and they would be correct.

I think it might just be easier since I’m constantly trying to understand them.

Don’t misinterpret this as me hating women, which is very far from the truth. I just hate everyone and I haven’t been distributing it equally as of late. So this week I’d like to tell you about Sam, my best friend from home.

Now, Sam and I have been friends since elementary school. In seventh grade, Sam met a girl by the name of Sarah. He had developed quite a little crush on her, so on one grey day in May of 2004 he decided to ask her out.

They went on one of those cute little dates you went on in middle school and had a great time. Now, eight or nine years later, they are still dating.

Yeah, you read that right. A relationship that began as a middle school crush is still going on today as a fully-fledged adult relationship. I know a lot of you out there are thinking that this is just the cutest thing you’ve heard all day, and to a certain extent it is. But the truth is, I worry for Sam.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love Sam and Sarah to-gether. They’re two of my best friends in the entire world and while their relationship isn’t perfect, it is ad-mirable that they’ve been together for so long through the good, bad and “I’ve been on the phone with the two of you crying for the past week” bad.

But at the end of the day, my friend Sam is the most inexperienced man I know. You see, Sam has never even been “on a break” before, even though there was a point where they weren’t necessarily together. Sam has never kissed, slept with or loved another women in his life-time, which to me is terrifying. And the thing is, he’s never really expressed desire to be with anyone else. To me, this is a very foreign concept.

People talk about how bad promiscuity can be, and the dangers, both physically and emotionally, that come with it. However, no one ever talks about the dangers of monogamy.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to bash being in a relationship because God knows it’s done wonders for me. But there is a time and a place for it all.

Those times when you’re single and your Friday nights are spent trying to find a hole to crawl into can be just as important as the periods where you spend it with someone meaningful. But, like the man who lit-erally sleeps with anything that moves, being the guy who is and has always been in a relationship can be just as bad.

In my mind, that time when we’re single is a time of growth when you can practice being hurt. I mean, if you really liked a girl you hooked up with, it’s certainly not as painful when she stops talking to you on the quad versus if you had been dating.

And then there is the thrill of the chase. There’s a time when it gets a little boring, but there is something to be said for the sexual waltz we almost constantly find ourselves in when we’re single and the rush it can bring. It’s something you just don’t get when you’re with some-one. While you do get other benefits in a relationship, they’re just two different beasts altogether.

I worry about Sam because there are things in life he has completely missed out on, and probably will miss out on because between you and me, the two of them are probably going to get married at some point. Maybe the two of them really are in love to the extent that they present, but a part of me doesn’t buy it.

I just think there’s something deep down in Sam that hasn’t been satisfied and he is just a little too scared to realize it. Or who knows, maybe I’m just an idiot. Either way, there are certain dangers that come with monoga-my. Guess you have to figure them out on your own.

Contact Will Hazzard at [email protected]