Townies, prospies and frosh – oh my! I kid you not. This, my Colgate friends, is the new trend. “Pickin’ up the anomalies.” Still in denial that our respective class years are truly becoming too small? Brace yourself – I am about to blow your mind. Just last Sunday (no judgment zone, please), I found myself at Nichols watching a lady junior viciously drag a helpless freshman homeward bound to the Cruiser. It’s not like the place was empty of upperclassmen males, mind you. In fact, the bar was swarming with them; uneven facial-haired frat guys chugging beer by the pitcher. I mean, what’s not appealing about that? Okay, but really, have we become so bored with our class years that we’ve resorted to robbing the cradle?
Yes. And I say, embrace it. Why not mix the night up a bit? It’s time to turn a new leaf. Everywhere, diversity and open-mindedness have taken center focus. So let’s take some cues from the Colgate administration’s initiatives and accept everyone regardless of race, creed or age! Go ahead, grab yourself a freshman, ladies! And men, just keep on with this long-realized tactic! I commend you.
But I realize that perhaps pulling a Demi Moore is not for everyone. So I’ve got your next best option: prospies. They’re a rare find at the Jug, like a white tiger at a petting zoo. But when times are tough and the walls of the tiny Colgate bubble are closing in too far, I say be shameless and discover your inner Raider rooter. Find that white tiger and don’t be scared of getting the rolled-back eye at Sunday brunch with your buddies either, because I’ve got your cop out. Always remember that West Point is both a high school and a university, as is Washington, Wellesley, Columbia and oh so many more. Run with that! Moreover, expanding your horizons outside of the enrolled Colgate population is not only a personal triumph, but also a really great way to do some unofficial Colgate cheerleading and recruiting.
However, I realize that this, too, may be way too of an intense robbing the cradle exercise, even for the most bored Colgate kids. So I give you the last, most hilarious anomaly option: the ever-illusive townie. In only the past two weeks, I have heard a handful of stories about Hour Glass encounters leading to three-hour life conversations in the Utica Street Café. At first, I was admittedly horrified by such encounters (townies exist?), but upon later reflection, I realized, what could be more liberating than sharing your life story with a total stranger? Think about how much more exciting your next Price Chopper trip could be, knowing that that small town girl could be right there in the dairy aisle! Or how thrilling running into that dude some towns over at that sketchy bowling alley could turn your evening around. Roll with the trend. In the words of musical genius and lyrical wordsmith Hilary Duff: “Why not?” Perhaps the change of pace might even inspire an entirely new Colgate hook-up culture, complete with actual monogamous relationships! Yes, I am getting ahead of myself. But who knows?
Contact Shannon Gupta at [email protected]