If you like feeling embarrassed by association, then you probably would have enjoyed the twelfth annual Mr. Colgate that took place on Tuesday, November 1 in the Hall of Presidents. Men from different groups on cam­pus, both Greek and otherwise, stripped down, opened up and publicly performed for the sake of a good cause: The Panhellenic Association’s schol­arship fund set up to aid in the payment of sorority dues for girls who would not otherwise be able to rush.

The brave contestants were as follows: Mr. Beta Theta Pi was sophomore Mike Kratky, Mr. Brothers was first-year Andrew Prieto, Mr. Delta Upsilon was junior Emmanuel Edouard, Mr. Fire Department was first-year Char­lie Caspar, Mr. Phi Delta Theta was junior Will Hazzard, Mr. Phi Kappa Tau was junior Sam Leff, Mr. Lacrosse was junior Connor Brown, Mr. Sigma Chi was sophomore Mark Bugas, Mr. Theta Chi was sophomore James Speight, Mr. Blue Diamond Society (BDS) was first-year Jonathon Schwartz and finally, Mr. Link Staff was sophomore Michael Hendricks.

The evening was MC’d by seniors Josh Glick and Eli Heller, who opened with their own rendition of the Frank Sinatra (and Jug) classic “New York, New York.” However, they substituted the chorus for “Mr. Colgate;” a clever and slightly syllabically stretched choice. The emcees traded jokes about the various organizations participating, highlighting the stereotypes of each group (cough, Phi Tau donuts). Overall, the opening number was a clever and bold way to start off the night.

Things got nice and uncomfortable right off the bat with the swimsuit/ Q&A portion of the show. Contestants ascended the stage dressed in their choice of swimwear, ac­companied by a previously chosen song. Best swimsuit award definitely went to Mr. Phi Delt, Will Hazzard, in his Speedo that left very, very little to the imagination and best song choice hands down was Mike Kratky’s “Mambo Num­ber Five.” However, I don’t think anyone was complaining that they got to see Mr. DU or Mr. Theta Chi without their shirts on. (As James Speight later said, “I have six reasons to win.”)

The Q&A portion put contestants on the spot about their ideal Colgate dates, whom they would most like to be stranded on a des­ert island with and other questions that were uniquely tailored to each competitor (Such as Mr. Sigma Chi’s question: “What is your fa­vorite freshman dorm?”). The best responses were from Mr. Phi Tau, Sam Leff, who stated that he would like to be stranded with the Kar­dashians, “because he could definitely keep up with them,” and Mr. Firefighter Charles Caspar, who asserted that his ideal date would be “feeding French fries to Ian from the Coop.”

Next came the talent portion. Talents ranged from the impressive to the unbearably awkward. On the serious side, Mr. Phi Delt, Will Hazzard, per­formed a lovely original song called “California Summertime,” while playing the guitar and Mr. Lacrosse, Connor Brown, belted out an amazing tune on the bagpipes (I still have no idea how he was managing to breathe). Mr. DU per­formed an interpretive song/dance to Taylor Swift, occasionally bouncing onto his knees mid-performance, a feat that looked so painful it issued a collective groan from the audience. Also deciding to go the lip synch/interpretive dance route were Mr. Sigma Chi, Mark Bugas (whose performance of “Jai Ho” was summed up by Eli Heller: “That was culturally insensitive and made everyone feel uncomfortable”) and Mr. Fire Fighter, Charlie Caspar (Who knew dancing to the Backstreet Boys’s “Larger than Life” required so much pelvic thrusting and crotch grabbing?)

Mr. Brothers, Andrew Prieto, performed “the dance” from Napoleon Dy­namite perfectly, even arranging for the tape to cut out early so he could rush off stage in character. Mr. Phi Tau, Sam Leff, had quite the stage presence during his magic act (he even managed to make several frosted donuts appear underneath the judge’s chairs), so it came as no surprise when he stated, “they say this is a talent, but it’s really more of a gift.” Mr. Theta Chi sang-talked a moving rendition of Vanessa Carlton’s “1,000 miles,” (though the most im­pressive part of the performance might have been the fact that he knew all of the words to that song). Mr. BDS, clad in a neon t-shirt, sweatband and mom-jean shorts, ribbon danced his heart out and was a real crowd-pleaser.

Finally, Mr. Link Staff, Michael Hendricks, performed his own rendition of “The Colors of the Wind;” he as Pocahontas and his friend sophomore Raman Malik as his “ironic Captain John Smith.” Hendricks has a great voice, but what really made the performance were the loving interactions (including affection­ate pats and some pretty impressive assisted leaps) between Pocahontas and Smith. (Hendricks also probably only knew about 30 percent of the song, but somehow that only made it better.)

The Presidential Panel, comprised of Gamma Phi Beta President senior Monica Hernandez, Kappa Kappa Gamma President senior Murphy Kean, Delta Delta Delta President senior Jennifer Griffin, President of the Panhellenic Association senior Hilary Nicholson and Interim Dean of the Collge Scott Brown, deliberated and finally decided to award third prize to Mr. Theta Chi, second prize to Mr. Phi Delt, and first prize to Mr. Link Staff. Though, in my opinion, just for getting up there, everyone deserves a prize.

Contact Betsy Bloom at [email protected].