Minus The City: Never Been Kissed?

Sara Steinfeld

Well, that’s probably a misleading title for this piece. I should probably be more specif­ic. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be allowed to even come near the “Minus the City” column if I had actually never been kissed, and I doubt they’d be anywhere near as entertaining to read. What I really mean to elaborate on here is the fact that there are so many people who have never been actually kissed. I don’t mean a casual drunken hookup at the Jug or in the basement of someone’s house; I mean a real kiss. One that actually has some kind of meaning behind it.

Let’s take a quick poll: how many of you have hooked up with more than one person in one night? Probably a few of you. Do you remember their names the next day? Did you get a phone number? Eye color? Favorite food? Probably not. That’s okay, you’re not alone; I’m guilty of it, as well.

That’s what freshman year is for most of us. But now that I’m a sophomore, I see ev­eryone beginning to calm down, pair off and find someone, whether that’s a boyfriend, a girlfriend or even just an exclusive hookup. It’s weird for me to witness, because in all honesty, I just don’t do the whole “relationship” thing.

I personally think that we’re all a little bit too immature to actually handle the emotional com­mitment that a relationship requires. I prefer to run rampant around Hamilton without a care in the world.

But I’ve been beginning to realize that perhaps that’s naïve of me. I mean, I honestly don’t remem­ber everyone that I’ve kissed. I consider it an activ­ity when I’m drunk, just like playing Kings, except with less beer (hopefully).

While we’re in college, this is common, but af­ter attending my first formal this past weekend, I began to understand the motives that people have behind finding one specific person to be with. There were some couples there that, though my perception was not exactly at its prime, seemed genuinely happy to be together in that moment. I have friends who have had long-term boyfriends for years and they’ve never been happier. They go around sharing meaningful relationships with people while I’m just bopping around with random people who won’t mean anything to me the next morning. Upon reflection, this lifestyle kind of sucks after a while.

I’m pretty sure that I’ve only ever kissed one or two people who have actually meant something more to me than just a new friend in my drunken state. Depressing, right? When I actually began to think about it this past summer, I made the momentary decision to consider trying to actually have a relationship with someone. When I brought the topic up with one of my friends, her face was one of pure shock. “Really?” she asked with complete confusion. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say that…weird. I can’t even imagine you being with someone.” You know you’re emotionally closed-off when one of your friends actually notices it even when emotions are not a common topic of conversation. Whomp.

Maybe by not believing in relationships in college, I’m cutting myself off from a world of experiences that would be beneficial for me.

It’s difficult to make a decision on the matter at a school where so few relationships are successful and most are dysfunctional at best, and it’s common practice to hook up with people that you will never have a conversation with ever again. After all, not all of us get to meet Mr. Right at the Jug. Most of us just find Mr. Right-For-The-Next-Half-Hour.

So, let’s go full circle here and jump back to the headline. Maybe it’s not so misleading after all. It’s been a while since I’ve actually kissed someone who felt anything other than drunk (at least that I know of ).

So maybe it’s time to stop behaving childish­ly and start understanding that I can’t just keep hooking up with whomever I feel like whenever I feel like it. As I finally turn 19 years old (today, ac­tually. Say “happy birthday” to me if you see me!), I’m beginning to realize that maybe I’m ready to drop my old beliefs and start letting myself care about people.

After all, “sophomore” does mean “wise fool,” doesn’t it? I’ll relate the “wise” part to this revela­tion, and the “fool” part to every emotion that I’ll allow myself to act on. So, here’s to the real kiss. Hopefully I’ll have one, and so will you.

Contact Sara Steinfeld at [email protected]lgate.edu.