Bros Before Hoes: Colgate Relationship Woes

Bros Before Hoes: Colgate Relationship Woes

Hannah Guy, Caitlin Flannagan

In the last few months (ever since the CCLS has come out), we’ve been hearing (and reading) a lot about Colgate’s hookup culture. We’ve been told that all boys want to do is exchange saliva with as many different girls as they can, rejecting the idea of monogamy in favor of living the life of a Hugh Hefner-in-training.

But the hookup culture isn’t just based on these boys’ desire to add another notch to the bedpost; the truth is that they’re already in a relationship with someone else. To be sure, the big pimpin’ image is part of it, but lately we’ve noticed that there is a larger and more fearsome trend threatening happy, committed relationships at Colgate: The Bromance.

Springing directly from big screen hits like The Hangover and I Love You, Man, Colgate males have officially given the relationships with their roomies, teammates and fraternity brothers priority over those with the mini-skirt-wearing crowd. These man-crushes aren’t limited to exclusive house activities; they are visible in all aspects of life on the hill.

Frequent Minus the City readers have been repeatedly told that class is a great place to spark the flame that will erupt at the next frat party. You have been lied to. If you are lucky enough to catch one alone, these frat boys can make great study-buddies. However, bros seem to coordinate their schedules more carefully than they do their outfits during pledging, resulting in packs of boys far more interested in rehashing last night’s beer pong tournament in the back of the room than discussing the underlying meaning in Genesis.

Look around, these boys are everywhere, sticking closer together than a mother to her cubs. Frank, the gym, Price Chopper – no matter where you go, they’re never alone.

Not even the Jug, a haven for sloppy hookups, is safe from the love between brothers. Don’t you just love it when you’re dancing with that cute guy from your Soc class and his frat’s theme song comes on, causing him to drop you like 8:20 Orgo to join in a circle dance with his bros? Though any true fratstar would take a bullet for his brother rather than cockblock, encouraging a relationship that would diminish their time together is akin to fratricide.

So now you know, ladies: it’s not you. The real reason your repeated Friday night fling doesn’t want to make it official: his house, team or a cappella group provides not just a seemingly unlimited supply of Keystone, but also a pack of built-in relationships that require constant attention and he just can’t handle one more.

Remember boys, you can love your bros, but don’t forget about the hoes. See you at the next Fraturday.