League A

The competitive level of this division can be split into two distinct levels. Phi Tau A(2-1), Shooter McGavin & Co(3-1) and Sigma Chi A(2-1) are the kings of the hill right now, while Tach A(1-2) and Beta(0-3) are bringing up the rear. The former three teams are trying to forget disappointing ends to the season last year, as all three squads had high playoff seedings before bowing out in the first round or the quarterfinals. Phi Tau A has averaged 15 runs this season. Sigma Chi A, which got the one-seed last season only to lose in the quarterfinals to the upstart and eventual champion Warrior Poets, is intent on forgetting about last season.

“The Sigma Chi team is young this year, but we have started to find our groove,” Peter Kosiek said. “With some veteran leadership, guys like Andrew Bevan and myself, we know we can be a threat down the stretch. And a dynasty in the making.”

Shooter McGavin & Co, like the golfer that it represents, is one of the best in the game, winning its last three games with some steady play. They are one of the two teams made up of varsity hockey players. Tach A has got some unlucky breaks this season and is better than their record indicates, while Beta has some trouble on the offensive end, scoring only eight runs this year.

Fun fact: Beta and Tach A played in one of the lowest-scoring game of the season, with Tach A winning 5-3.

League B

This writer’s pick to win the whole thing is currently dominating the B League. The Mitchell Report All-Stars are 4-0 and have averaged 17 runs a game. Each player on this team sports a jersey with a player on the Mitchell Report, and these guys play as if they are hopped up on a deadly cocktail of steroids, HGH and greenies.

“Our bulging biceps and monstrous home runs have beaten our opposition into submission,” senior Alex Whitaker said.

It’s this writer’s guess that those bulging biceps are caused by illegal means, so the Intramural Office with be adminstering blood tests in the future. The CU Hockey Sandlot All-Stars are tied for second place with a 2-2 record. They are a good hitting squad with great athleticism and should make noise in the playoff round. They also had a great rally in their game against the Warrior Poets, scoring six runs in the bottom of the seventh inning to win 13-12. Phi Delt(2-2) has had a bizarre season. The frat accrued over 10 errors in its 19-7 loss to the Warrior Poets and have won games by 6-4 and 27-26 scores. The 27-26 win over LNA was utterly bizarre. The wind was blowing towards the outfield, and the game on the opposite field had to be halted multiple times to watch for balls being hit in their direction. In the last inning, LNA loaded the bases with two out down by one run. An LNA player grounded out to third base to end the game, however. Speaking of LNA(0-3), they are sitting in last place, but they dominated this season in basketball, football, and ultimate frisbee. The Warrior Poets(2-3), last season’s miraculous champs, are in some trouble. When asked why the team has been struggling this season, many expletives were said that can not be written in a PG-13 newspaper. The one clean comment was made by junior Matt Gentile.

“We’ve always been a playoff team,” Gentile said.

That’s true. Out Tha Park(2-2) is on a two-game winning streak after starting the year 0-2. They are very athletic and could rule in the playoffs if the hot streak continues.

Fun fact: The Mitchell Report All Stars were losing by ten runs to the Warrior Poets before beating the reigning champs, 23-21.

League C

The story of this league is the first-year team, McBla$ters. This squadron is an absolute anomaly. One look at this team and one would think that they are a trainwreck just like the New York Knicks. The team screams at each other at all times, and mental and physical errors are a given every game. However, this team is 5-0 for a reason. This team knows when to turn it up and has come from behind multiple times. The CU Comeback Kids are my darkhorse pick to advance far in the playoffs. The game that is the perfect reprenstation of their season thus far is their game against Theta Chi B. Fun Fact: McBla$sters was down 18-11 going into the final inning. The team’s defense was appalling, as they accrued many mental errors and couldn’t stop the floodgates. However, first-year Harry Raymond escapted a pickle in the beginning of the last inning, and he subsequently jumpstarted an amazing 13-run rally. Theta Chi B scored three runs in the bottom of the inning and had the tying run at the plate with two outs, but first-year pitcher Mike McMaster struck the last batter out to end what this official considers the game of the year.

“We never had any doubt in our minds that we were going to win that game,” McMaster said. “This is a team that is unquestionably destined for greatness.”

BDS(3-1) is the second-best team in the league. They have allowed the fewest runs in the C league, only giving up 8.25 runs per contest. The Blazers(1-2), Brothers(1-3), Theta Chi B(0-3), and Sigma Chi(0-3) are having lots of trouble this season and are in desperate need of wins before the playoffs begin.

League D

Budussy (3-0) has outscored its opponents, 49-3. That is not a typo, and that’s just flat-out scary. A match-up between Budussy and Easy Company (3-0) is forthcoming, and it should make for a great game. Easy Company has a bunch of football players that can hit the ball to Utica. Young Bull (2-2) is a decent team, but they just have the misfortune of being stuck in a tough league. The Emperor’s Club VIP’s are just about as successful as Eliot Spitzer these days, as they have a 1-3 record. Hebrew Nationals are great hot dogs, but the Colgate IM softball team is having some trouble, as they haven’t won yet in three games.

Fun Fact: The highest scoring game this season was a contest between the Emperors Club VIP’s and the Hebrew Nationals, with the VIP’s winning 31-27. That’s the typical IM football score at Colgate, and it is the highest scoring game in recent memory.

League E

This league is easily the most parity-driven in all of IM Softball. In all honesty, there is not too much of a difference between the first and last-place teams. Badness (3-0), which is largely composed of sophomores that used to live in Gate House, is a high-spirited team that makes few mistakes. They will be the favorites to win the Division II title. Curtis United National (3-1), which lost to Badness, 15-11, isn’t so bad themselves. The Oak Drive All-Stars (2-1), seen in the picture, can compete with any team in League E, as can This is Austin (1-3). This is Austin won the Division II Soccer Championship and made the semifinals of the Division II Basketball playoffs. The Gamma Rays (0-3) are sitting in the league basement, but they competed well with Badness in their recent game.

Fun Fact: This league is the only one in IM Softball that has a majority of first-year teams.

League F

The Derrty Byrdz(3-0) are doing quite well. However, there is little separation between them and Sack Lunch(2-2), as the Byrdz only beat them, 13-12. Sack Lunch, led by sophomore pitcher Kevin “Alfonso” McCrary and senior Tim “TP” Pounds, are my dark horse pick to win the Division II title. If they get all their players to show up, they will win the title. Otherwise. Badness will take it. The Has Benz(2-2) don’t represent their name well, as they are showing some people that they have some gas left in the tank after their 25-12 win over the Biddies(1-2). Speaking of which, the Biddies, which is composed of Club Ultimate Frisbee players led by sophomore Eric “Jose” McGowan, have clinched a berth in the playoffs. Killer Tofu(0-3), a sophomore IM Dynasty, is having some trouble since they can never field a full team.

Fun fact: Sophomore pitcher Paul “The Bad Dokte” Kasabian leads the league in hit batsmen with three or four. None of the pitches were intentional nor did it have anything to do with Killer Tofu’s record, I swear.

League G

The Money Makers(3-1) are upset after missing the playoffs last season and are out for vengeance. They have won two close games and another by forfeit. Fun Fact: The Counter Revolution(2-1) are the only team to get a shutout and be the victims of a shutout. They have won their games 13-0 and 10-0 and lost a game, 12-0. Unforgiveable(1-3) and Natural Disasters are having trouble getting their seasons off the ground. but there’s always the playoffs.

Look for an IM Softball Playoff Preview in next week’s isssue.