On a campus where there are so many attractive, fun-loving, intelligent students and so few functional relationships, are we all just players?

Throughout my four years at Colgate I have experienced just about every romantic situation imaginable. Serious relationship, “serious” relationship (with alternate boyfriend on the side), and not-so-serious relationship. The “consistent hookup” that never, under no circumstances, turns into anything more. The best guy friend who you always wonder about but never do anything about. The guy friend who you hook up with a couple times until it gets awkward, and then you never speak to again. The emotionally detached guy who you have a great month or two with until he pulls a 180. Finally, the one night casual fling.

Many Colgate students are players in this game of male-female interaction. Based on my experiences and my friends’ experiences, there is a distinct pattern that usually begins at a party, a bar, a dorm, or on Facebook and ends with a girl crying outside the Jug.

The other day I overheard a girl talking to her friend about how she went out to dinner with a guy. “I do not know,” she said. “It is weird. Colgate just does not work that way.” Her friend’s response was rather interesting. “Maybe that is a good thing,” the friend said.

Needless to say, the “sober hangout” is a pretty big deal. This step sometimes follows a few drunken hookups; however, if it does not happen after about a month of the “consistent hooking up” then the relationship is heading directly towards World War III or, if you are lucky, an amicable end.

This is not to say that there are no working relationships on this campus. I know a few people who have been in relationships since we were first-years or sophomores, but these are an exception to the rule and, in my observation, not always fully functional.

Some girls blame it on the fratty attitude or the partying, but a notorious senior male “player” who shall remain anonymous brought new and surprising evidence to light. “Most people just do not find the right person,” he said.

To the guys on this campus – keep in mind that as soon as you graduate you will quickly descend from your college glory days to the bottom of the totem pole. As your female peers are wooed by upper level executives remember that it is in your better interest to stay in the good graces of a few of us if you want to have some post-graduate female companionship.

To all you ladies – whether you are in love, in like, or in lust, remember not to take it seriously. This is college! Enjoy yourself and play the game.

Most importantly, if your heart has recently been broken never take your cell phone out with you when you are intoxicated. If you need your phone then entrust it to one of your friends who will be sure to prevent you from using it in ways that you will regret. Always take the heartbreakers number out of your phone and make sure that no evidence of it exists.

I have made a lot of mistakes with my cell phone recently, and I only wish that someone had given me this advice in January and saved my last shred of dignity. Take it from me, no matter how much you may still care about someone and how weak your knees still get when you see him, drunk dialing or texting will never bring him back to you and will only cause you to look like a fool.