I’m sad, Colgate. I’ve been sad, or stressed or angry, pretty much for the past two and a half weeks. My mood can mostly be attributed to my involvement with a certain student organization and the recent debacle that occurred. If you know, you know. While dealing with the recent series of events I’ve thought a lot about my relationships. And while thinking about my relationships, I was reminded of an activity I did in Yes Means Yes 2.0 (big shoutout to YMY!). I made a list, called my intimacy toolkit, comprised of the things—physical and not—I needed to feel I could be close with another person. I liked my toolkit. It was honest and fairly comprehensive. Now, though, I need to re- vise it a tad. This is my personal toolkit, but I hope you find the things I list to be of importance in your own relation- ships, whether they be sexual, romantic, familial or platonic.

Honesty, Trust & Communication:

While separate constructs, these all contribute to making a relationship functional or not. I’ve had friendships end in college because of failures on this front. I’ve also had another relationship grow because of these factors. Honesty fosters trust. Communication also fosters trust. In any relationship, the involved parties need to be able to trust one another to communicate openly and honestly, even about tough topics. If I can’t trust you to communicate with me when you’re upset with me or if I can’t trust you to be honest about your sexual history or if we can’t be trusted to tell one another personal things, because they may get spread around, then we have no basis for a relationship. No one should have to feel the need to hide part of themselves because of a lack of trust. And no one should be dishonest and intentionally deceive another person. Communication is a pathway through which honesty and trust can be built or destroyed.