We’ve all heard the term ‘pick me,’ whether that be on social media, through a television show or even in conversation. But what exactly does it mean and how should it be used? The term has become so widely used that I believe it is not only working to excessively criticize women but also devaluing the term in the process.
‘Pick me’ has been used to describe someone, usually a woman, who seeks validation and acceptance from a member of the opposite sex, usually men. In order to do so, they will often criticize other women in an attempt to align themselves with stereotypical male preferences. This person is therefore trying to be ‘picked’ by men.
With the popularity of TikTok over the past few years, the app has begun to influence terms that impact social life. We see terms come and go, but ‘pick me’ has remained entrenched in everyday conversation. The term originated from the television show “Grey’s Anatomy,” in which Ellen Pompeo’s character, Meredith Grey, begs Derek Shepherd to pick her over his then-wife by saying, “Pick me, choose me, love me.”
I want to preface this by saying that I do understand the usefulness of the term. ‘Pick me’ can especially identify the changing of one’s appearance out of the desire to impress or seek out men.
However, I do believe that people throw around the term way too often. I’ll see people get called a ‘pick me’ for simply stating their opinion — one that others may disagree with. It is used almost daily to mock women for doing essentially anything. People are entitled to their thoughts and opinions, and expressing them does not make them a ‘pick me.’ I believe the term has been overused to the point that it’s lost its original meaning. I think this misapplication of the term undermines women’s genuine interests and opinions by labeling them as attempts to seek male approval rather than recognizing them as authentic expressions. This labeling of opinionated women as ‘pick me’ does more harm than good.
For instance, I’ve seen women call other women ‘pick me’ simply for stating that they did not enjoy the movie “Barbie” or because they may not enjoy a particular artist’s music. These are extreme examples, but this goes to show how ridiculous these statements have become. Just because someone’s opinion differs from your own, does not mean they are seeking attention. I think this just pits women against each other, perpetuating patriarchal ideals through the act of putting other women down. In a male-dominated society, I believe this term can be used to condemn women rather than uplift them, often dismissing their opinions in the process.
In a CNN article, clinical psychologist Regine Galanti shared her understanding of the term and its impacts, saying, “Having people throw it on TikTok as a meme makes the situation that much worse.” Galanti also discussed how young girls are often trying to figure themselves and their interests out while active on social media apps like TikTok. The usage of ‘pick me’ on these apps only furthers the harmful effects this term can have through blanket criticisms of women and exaggerations of conflicts stemming from different opinions. I feel as though having these differing opinions is more often than not interpreted as an act of desperation to stand out as opposed to simply holding a genuine belief. This puts pressure on young girls who may be trying to learn who they are and additionally provides spaces where women can bring down other women.
In writing this article, I may be labeled as a ‘pick me’ for taking an opposing stance and finding issue with the misuse of the term. As I stated above, it’s not the term itself or its initial meaning, but rather the ways in which it has been overused and diluted by society through both the use of social media and colloquial language. I think it’s important to be aware of these often subtle acts of criticism in order to acknowledge them and take note of how we can support women instead of tearing them down.
