Although I visited many colleges and spent much time on applications, throughout high school, college had only been a theory. It was only an idea. When people asked about my plans, I answered with the disclaimer that all of it was only a possibility. My answers always began with the words might or maybe and every conversation ended with, “we’ll see.” It was comforting to know that I wasn’t committed anywhere, and at that point in my life I still had time to make the decision.

When April 29 came around, I begged my parents to decide for me. The choice should have been easy. Colgate would have been an easy choice, except for the fact that I was never faced with such a big decision. Before this, everything in my life had been planned for me. I was never old or mature enough to choose what schools I wanted to attend and once I was there, my class schedule was pretty standard. I didn’t have to decide on a major or even consider what type of career I would want to pursue. I enjoyed being hardworking, yet carefree. Everything had been so simple.

Since I knew all of this was about to change, I was homesick before I even left for Colgate. May 1 was one of the worst days of my life (so far). This was the day it finally dawned on me that in a very short time I would be away at college. It freaked me out.

I would walk around my house and try to enjoy all of the comforts of home while I still had the opportunity. The truth is, I wasn’t able to enjoy them, because I was too worried about how much I was going to miss them. I hated the idea of college. I didn’t want to live in a dorm room with a stranger, leave my mom’s meals for those provided at Frank and miss my brother’s sporting events.

For the entire month of May, I spent every free second I could with my parents and siblings. I would offer to help make dinner because that would give me time with my mom. I would actually enjoy driving my brother to his friends’ houses. I didn’t mind helping my sister with homework and I made sure to watch Jeopardy with my dad every night at seven. I was paranoid for weeks. All this made me wonder: Is going away to college the right thing for me? I had been completely happy at home for over 18 years. Why would I leave?

Now that I’m at Colgate, all of these feelings seem so foreign. I can’t believe I wasted my time feeling that way. Now I realize there is nothing at home for me anymore. My friends are scattered up and down the East Coast at their chosen universities. I had already earned enough credits to graduate from high school, so there was no turning back; it was too late to opt for the five-year plan. I hate to admit that I don’t miss my family, but it’s true. I feel guilty that I’m not upset about their temporary absence from my life, but I would rather feel this way than homesick.

I have a friend who has already left college and returned home. A few months ago, I was afraid the same would happen to me. I know I have only been here a short time, and the feeling of homesickness may begin to come around sooner or later. For now, I really feel that the reason I am doing so well is because I am here, at this college.