The Commissioner’s Report: IM Softball Playoffs, Upsets Galore

Division I IM Softball Playoffs:

Are you sitting down? No. 1 and defending champions Los Shrimps, which had won its last 12 games (nine of them via mercy) dating back to last season, lost to No. 16 Hebrew Nationals, 10-4. The Nats led 4-2 going into the fourth inning before putting up a 4-spot to take an 8-2 lead. Everyone at the field was simply waiting for Los Shrimps to explode offensively, but that moment never came. Junior Mike Ketcham’s diving catch in center field ended the game, and the Nats went wild. I told my good friend Jon Lampert during the game that if the Nats won, this upset would be equivalent to the U.S. defeating the Soviet Union in hockey during the 1980 Olympics. I was wrong. This upset is bigger than the Miracle on Ice, and the greatest upset in the history of sport. I am still shocked that David has slain Goliath. The Nats move on to play No. 9 Blazers, who held on for a 6-5 win over No. 8 That Important, getting the last out with the winning run at the plate.

Other D-I upsets are bewildering as well. No. 15 Derrty Byrdz, still angry over their D-I semifinal loss to Sigma Chi in football back in October, took down that same fraternity 13-3 in a mercy-rule game. The Byrdz won this game without their powerful chicken mascot on the sideline, which makes their win all the more impressive. They will face No. 7 Phi Tau A today, which beat No. 10 Theta Chi A 17-2. In Theta Chi’s defense though, they had only seven players for some time during the game. Fortunately for them, the No. 11 Theta Chi B team did well, beating No. 6 Heavy Hitters 6-2. This game featured some amazng Web Gems. Tach B sophomore shortstop Harry Raymond made a crucial leaping snag in the last inning. Also, Theta Chi B junior second baseman Jon Bryer turned two after snaring a tricky ground ball and stepping on second before firing a rocket to first. Theta Chi B will play Team USA (football team), which beat the West Hall Wizards, 10-2. In other action, No. 4 Norbs made quick work of No. 13 Phi Tau B, 15-4 in four innings. They will face No. 5 Warrior Poets, which won via forfeit over No. 12 Bulletproof Tigers.

Prediction: Team USA over The Norbs in the finals.

Division II: After 13 men with $13 and 13 prayers formed what is now known as Colgate University in 1819, they then got 13 bats, 13 balls and 13 bases to form the Intramural Softball league. I kid you not; this actually happened. Anyways, I make this point because in the 190-year history of Intramural Softball at Colgate, no turnaround has been as historic as the one performed by the Comets, a team of science professors and staff members that comprise the 15 seed in the Division II Tournament. The Comets played with only six when they lost a game 35-0 against Dunkin Donuts earlier this season, and were mercied at the hands of Victorious Secret with that same number of people. With a full roster, they lost 19-8 to Wu Tang Clan and 11-10 to Super Hyphy, giving them an 0-4 record.

Call it sheer willpower, amazing skills, an immense knowledge of physics or the resurrection of their more youthful days when success on the diamond was a daily occurrence I’m sure, but the Comets have dipped into that fountain of youth to have an amazing playoff. An 11-1 win over the No. 16 women’s hockey team in the play-in round set up a very tough match-up with the 3-seed Los Gringos, a group of seniors. Somehow, some way, the Comets led 8-0 before holding on for an astonishing 8-7 win, forever etching their name into the storied and legendary Intramural books. They ended up losing to No. 6 Wu Tang Clan 11-9 in the quarterfinals, but the Comets’ playoff run will became more famous than Hale-Bopp itself.

Around the league, No. 7 Cowpernickle was down 12-4 to the No. 10 Barehanded Bears in the fourth inning before scoring nine runs for the duration of the game, taking the game in the bottom of the last inning, 13-12. Would Cowpernickle’s train of destiny continue? No. They ran into the No. 2 Master Batters Buzzsaw, which won 14-6 thanks to two Niko Furnald homers. In the previous round, the Batters put up an 8-spot in the first inning en route to a 15-4 win over No. 17 Brothers B, meaning that my dreams of IM glory have died hard once again.

Elsewhere, No. 13 Cupcake Day defeated No. 14 Super Hyphy 8-7 in the play-in round. Cupcake Day scored two in the last inning to tie the game and one more in extras to win it. Their train of destiny was derailed by No. 4 Chasing Balls in the next round in a 13-9 loss.

The energetic No. 19 QOC squad dominated No. 20 Sultans of Swat with great fielding and hitting in the play-in round, taking that game 15-4. However, QOC then lost to No. 1 Phi Delt 12-0 in the next round. On the other field, No. 6 Wu Tang Clan beat No. 11 Boom Dizzles, 12-4 in a pedestrian game. The latter two games were round-of-16 affairs, as was No. 9 Dunkin Donuts’10-0 shutout win over No. 8 Balls Deep. Dunkin Donuts then upset No. 1 Phi Delt 7-5, earning them a semifinal date with No. 5 Brothers A.

Speaking of which, the biggest heartbreaker goes to No. 12 Victorious Secret, who was up 11-6 over Brothers A in the top of the fifth inning in the round of 16. But Brothers A began to bear down and scored four in the fifth and two in the sixth to win the game in the second-biggest comeback of the playoffs thus far. Brothers A then crushed No. 4 Chasing Balls in the quarterfinals.

Prediction: Master Batters shortstop Josh Glick said on WRCU that he would jump into Taylor Lake if his team did not win it all. Well, Josh, blow up your swimmies because you’re taking a dive. Brothers A over Wu Tang Clan in the Finals. Josh Glick jumps into Taylor Lake during SPW. Also, I am still doing a Commissioner’s Report next week with my year-end awards. It will appear on next Thursday.