Minus The Sex: Our Nation’s Capitol

Paul Kasabian and Joe Koos

Paul: Quite frankly, I’ve been disgusted by the lack of diversity in the “Minus the City” column. Week after week, there is much talk about sex. However, the writer fails to mention anything about a city, which is disheartening. The four women on Sex and the City, which this column derives its name from, were in the biggest city in the United States, yet no one ever mentions New York staples like mystery meat hot dogs and the peculiar subway smell that makes your eyes tear up like an onion. Side note, don’t you think Aleksandr was an incredible tool and totally ruined the end of the Sex and the City HBO series? Also, I’m SO glad Carrie got back together with Mr. Big in the movie.

Oh crap. Guys aren’t allowed to watch Sex and the City. But I only watched it when my mom had it on. Charlotte is pretty hot, and Carrie’s good-looking herself. Also, Eli Manning totally went to the Sex and the City premiere in New York City; he’s my hero…

Moving on! We need a city to talk about, because cities are sweet places where you can do a lot of fun things. Well, keeping with the sex theme, what better place to talk about than Washington, D.C.?

Joe: There have been numerous stories about presidential sex scandals. One of the biggest media events of our generation was the Monica Lewinsky scandal. However, when I met with Hillary Clinton in D.C. as part of a class trip, no one thought of bringing it up with her for discussion. I think this is another sign that sex simply isn’t talked about enough in the media. However, D.C. offers much more than sex, as I’m sure anyone from there would tell you. There are also all of the great street vendors. For example, who knew you could get a fine Washington Nationals hat for only $5 right outside of RFK stadium? It was also a lot of fun visiting D.C. while a Girl Scout national meeting was going on. Imagine the security threat of thousands of backpacks as all of the girls try to visit our nation’s fine free Smithsonian museums. There is also nothing I love more than the Capitol. Beltway at rush hour. It’s even better when you begin to smell brakes smoking, especially when the smell follows you and you need to find some place to get them repaired.

Paul: I have two stories to tell you. I was on a trip with my Advent of the Atomic Bomb FSEM to Washington, D.C. and was walking around with a bunch of my friends when this limo full of really drunk 16-year-old girls pulled up next to us at a red light and asked us to hop in. I didn’t take them seriously, but three of my friends ran into the limo, and one kid tried to jump in through the window. They all got in and drove off to Northern Virginia; no one knew where they were for hours. Thankfully, they came back alive.

Later that night, a crack addict accosted two of my friends and me for money. Normally, when I’m in this situation in New York City, I offer to buy the person food, but this man was clearly looking for some rock candy. After he denied my offer, he showed me his license and said that he was a “grown man”. Scared out of my mind that I was about to get shivved and shipped back to Colgate in a body bag, I gave the man cash and left. Washington, D.C. scares me, and quite frankly, I’m scared for your life next semester when you go to NIH, Joe.