?I’m kind of ashamed to admit that I watched a show on Spike TV over Thanksgiving break. I’m really loathe to admit that it was entitled “MANswers.” Seriously, that’s the name of the show I watched at 1:00 a.m. rather than work on my thesis proposal.

I’m judging myself as I write this, actually. This show covers an amazing myriad of topics, the selection of which is a column not within my jurisdiction. One of the ones I watched asked the question: are nerdy girls or party girls better in bed?

(All Colgate kids are pretty smart, if a little dorky, so we are all hoping for the same result: Nerdy! Oh, please let it be nerdy! We know, we spend too much time studying and not enough banking goofy college memories. And, as mentioned in a previous column, we have a habit of ignoring quiet, nice girls. We will immediately amend this pending Spike TV’s knowledge.)

The MANswer given is somewhat interesting: nerdy girls are better in bed. The reasons for this are surprisingly deep and thoughtful. Intuition says that party girls get it on more often, so they have more practice. According to a survey, girls who have a lot of experience can intimidate boys and this adds another layer of pressure to the event. As everyone knows, mental pressure is never a good thing in the sack.?

Furthermore, it turns out that most of this practice is in a rather impaired state, so it’s not very good practice. Nerdy girls, on the other hand, tend not to get tremendously impaired. This means that they have much more sober sex. A little sobriety goes a long way, it turns out. Though a little ethanol can make people less inhibited, it has a lot of really bad effects as well. It means the proceedings can be sloppy, which is never a good thing.

Mentally clear girls have better handeye coordination and better balance, both useful things for a pleasing encounter. Also, alcohol can make it very hard for people to reach, ahem, the finish line. This means it can be very hard to please party girls.

Nerdy girls also have a few advantages that come with the territory of big brains. Smart people read body language better and are more perceptive of others people’s desires. In the bedroom, this ability translates into much more satisfying sex. Needs are met better and faster with perceptive dorks than girls who are not as focused on their partners.

They also are usually more creative, which definitely makes for more interesting and satisfying sex. Also, nerdy girls have fantastic language skills, which means they have excellent naughty talking skills.

In the spirit of Spike TV, all hail the nerdy girls! From now on, do not look for your hookups in the Jug. Go to Cooley on Saturday night!