Minus the City – The Joy of (Meaningless) Sex

Allie Geiger

Is being friends with benefits really possible? After a conversation with another friend (senior female) bemoaning the lack of commitment friendly boys on campus, I suggested that she settle for something more casual. She responded that a relaxed relationship would either not be fulfilling enough for her, or she would fall for him. This leads me to question: is it possible to be just friends with benefits?

I am inclined to respond yes. I think it fits well with the life of the average college student and the high demands of this particular college. Judging by the amount of time the majority of Colgate students spend on classwork and extracurriculars, there is very little time for the typical ‘Gate student to dedicate to the pursuit and maintenance of a committed relationship. However, every student seems to have time for the Friday/Saturday ethanol wind down time and the after activities. Therefore, everyone has time for a beneficial friend.

There are certain pitfalls that can occur within the confines of “friends with benefits,” but there are also, duh, benefits to this situation. For example, hooking up with the same person all the time means that you have fewer opportunities to contract an STI as compared to your chances with a different person every week. Additionally, you will become more comfortable with your partner after repeated encounters. That means better sex! There are heaps more advantages, but the paper is a finite space.

There are really easy ways to avoid the aforementioned pitfalls. Here are a couple of guidelines that you need to engage in before you engage in each other.

1. Talk about your personal guidelines and goals. Both partners need to be on the same page in order to this to be a functioning “relationship.” All couples, serious or not have different rules. You need to discuss the regulations of your personal liaison in order for this to work.

2. STAY within those guidelines. If you agreed that you were only sexing one another, then only sex one another. Just because this is casual doesn’t mean you can be disrespectful of your partner. Being a douche doesn’t come with the territory of informal associations.

3. Pick someone flawed. If you choose someone who is absolutely not “the one” then there is significantly less chance you will fall for him/her. Make sure that this person is respectable and nice, but also has one thing that you cannot deal with in real life, ie not between the sheets. For example, I like to pick Republicans.

4. Do not engage with this person in ways that are meaningful. You are more likely for things to get sticky and involved if you meet parents or go on weekend getaways/long beach walks under the moonlight. If you both get sticky and involved (unlikely: romantic comedies do not count as real life) then that’s great! But if it happens to only one of you: awkwardness and resentment ahoy!

5. Do not be awkward in public. Be polite and respectful as if they were one of your friends. Just because you are boning, doesn’t mean you should be a middle schooler about things. That will make your partner think you are immature and you will be less likely to hold on to them in the long run.