Do you ever get the feeling that Frank Dining Hall aims to please but just doesn’t make the cut? In my opinion, Frank is comparable to a Jerry Seinfeld quote concerning the public library’s position as “a government-funded pathetic friend.”

While our boar-shaped dining hall is not government-funded, it is certainly considered pathetic. Think about it; Frank offers a variety of food and dessert, a place to chill with friends, a TV and a lounge, yet students complain incessantly about the lack of tofu or fat-free ranch dressing. Frank provides ice cream, semi-fresh produce and a friendly staff.

While the most nauseating thing I have ever consumed came from Frank, so similarly did the most delicious (of the most mediocre)-does that make sense?. All in all, Frank gives and gives with no recognition, just like that guy from high school who had yet to discover personal hygiene and wore jean cut-offs past the fifth grade.

Poor Frank. So eager to please, yet so misunderstood. Don’t see the comparison? I’ve compiled a list of similarities between both Franks; dining hall and pathetic misfit alike:

At Frank the dining hall, you can eat however much you want while you’re there. At Frank the loser’s house, you can play video games if you stay over for dinner.

At the dining hall, they have ice cream. At Frank’s house, he has the newest Halo game.

At the dining hall, there is variety: grill, buffet, pizza, salad bar, two soups. At Frank’s house, there are comic books, all of the Family Guy episodes, toys if you want them and his mom’s grilled cheese.

At the dining hall, you can go to all of their super cool events, and it’s open daily from 7:30 a.m. to 9 p.m. At Frank’s house, you can come over anytime they don’t have company.

Frank the dining hall has (mostly) friendly and courteous staff. Frank’s parents love it when you come over, but his litttle sister is pretty annoying.

When the dining hall fails you, there’s always the Edge or the Coop in limited doses. When Frank fails you, you can always move on to another pathetic friend.

I know Frank. I used to be Frank. He’s not all that bad. I have a suggestion for everyone who constantly complains about Frank food, workers, ambiance, etc. If you don’t like it, throw it right back at me. For the next week (and only for the next week; I could not ask for much longer than that without feeling just a little guilty) don’t complain about Frank food. Quit whining about the lack of ice cream or coffee flavors. Find something else to complain about when you have to wait in the buffet line for more than sixty seconds. Frank may be awful sometimes, but keep your feelings to yourself and maybe we will all be that much more optimistic about the partially steamed vegetables and General Tsao’s breaded chicken. Frank loves you.