I just don’t know what my problem is, or rather should I say, their prob lem. There are so many attractive females here parading across campus (or as I call it, the “field of dreams”) – so gosh darn why aren’t any of them attracted to me? I am after all a fine male specimen, and I graduated at the top of my class from my public high school. Oh and let me tell you, it was not easy work to get here. And now that I’ve arrived things have not been much easier. Just the other day I was in Case trying to develop my explanation of Complex Integrals and the Residue Theorem while some ungentlemanly frat boy tried to get the attention of the blonde girl three tables over. Hey, rant loudly and hit your computer one more time, I love it when people make drastic gestures for no reason. Jerk. Can’t you tell women like men who have a high intellect? If you were like me, you’d know yelling in English at the computer is useless, the program that froze up is written in a different language (C++ to be exact, dimwit) so it can’t understand you! You know another thing I don’t get? How attractive homo sapiens of the female gender do not appreciate my superior intellect. I was “laying down my game,” as my basketball-playing roommate likes to say, when this pleasant girl at a party I was at inquired if I was an athlete. I said yes and you should have seen the light go on in her eyes! Oh man she wanted some, but she didn’t know the greatness that was standing before her. I had to loosen my necktie and take off my tweed jacket with the shoulder patches just to get some air! That look in her eyes was makin’ me heat up! So anyway, I tell her, “Athlete? Ha! I’m the best kind of athlete. I’m a mathlete.” For some reason she was like “oh, that’s … uhh … great.” Yeah, I need say no more, it always leaves the ladies speechless. I’m so good like that. In fact, so good that she asked if she could go get another drink. No doubt, she wanted to speed up the liquor process – the night’s a’ dyin’ baby and I ain’t waitin’! Or, actually I did, for three hours, right outside the Jug where I overheard her telling her friend she was going to meet them, but she never showed up. Sad, sad I know. But that’s beside the point. If only my amazing skills weren’t driving the ladies away, it’s like I’m too good for them … I just don’t understand it. Who knows, maybe I will meet some fine ladies tonight at the Women’s Studies meeting? I just love the butch chicks.