Minus the City: Say Something, Say Anything

Helen Misiewicz, Assistant Commentary Editor

As a writer for Minus the City for almost a year, and now as an Assistant Editor at The Colgate Maroon-News, I couldn’t imagine a way for the dating environment at Colgate to be any easier than through a hookup culture. You can have a casual sexual relationship with almost anyone you meet, there are no strings attached and emotional attachment is limited. But, once again, I have been proved wrong. The inability of our hookups to even respond to a simple text message seems to create obstacles that make no sense to me whatsoever. 

How hard can it be to respond to a text message? Granted we get dozens a day, maybe even hundreds if you have multiple group chats, but it literally takes about 10 seconds to type a simple reply to any given message. Therefore, if you want to try and reach out to someone, it shouldn’t be that difficult to hear back from them within a given hour or so. Why do so few of us do that?

When I talk to a lot of my friends, and even myself, most of the interactions with people we hook up with consist of incoherent and disjointed text messages. We try to stay in contact with people we want to see again, but it remains an impossible task. You end up waiting all night for a text, Snapchat or DM from this person, only to be left on read or wake up to a “Sorry last night was a lot for me,” text. My best friend told me once, “It’s not like I’m asking you to show up outside of my door with a speaker like John Cusack, I just want you to give me a sentence saying, ‘Hey, what’s up?’… And even that becomes too much to ask.” 

Arranging a hook up is literally as simple as typing a text, but now it seems as if, even that has become too difficult for some of us. The convenience of hookup culture seems to have shifted; while it used to be convenient for both partners, now it is only for whoever has the upper hand in the power dynamic of the relationship. I know so many people who are ignored by their hookups all throughout the week, and even weekend, yet as soon as they get their “You up?” text message, it’s like life has been restored to their bodies. They wait all week to hear from their hookup, someone who clearly does not care about them whatsoever, only to become an object to pleasure them. 

I’d be lying if I said that I haven’t done this myself, but I think this year has made me realize that hookup culture should be convenient and fun for both partners, not just one. You shouldn’t have to rearrange your schedule to meet the ridiculous demands of another person. And also, if this person claims that they “care about you,” then they can certainly find the time to respond to your text messages. It’s not like you’re writing love letters back and forth. It’s a text. 

The feeling of being ignored is the worst of all. Sending a text message to someone and then not hearing from them for hours, or even days, makes the objectification of hookup culture all too apparent. When you hook up with someone, most of the time you can remain friendly. And if you are friendly, then you can reply to their texts. 

Miscommunication is the downfall for most relationships. Failure to communicate will be the future downfall for hookup culture. If you don’t reach out, or even just reply, don’t think that the other person will be excited to see your face any time soon. 

Contact Helen Misiewicz at [email protected].