Minus the City: DTF or DTR

I’ve been told that college is the most exciting time of your life. It’s your first real taste of freedom and independence, which should be used to its fullest. If you have spent at least a weekend on Colgate’s campus, it should come as no surprise when I say that we have an ever present hook-up culture. As I mentioned in a previous article, saying “hi” to a past hook-up can be extremely nerve-wracking. Yet, trying to define what stage your hook-up is in can be even worse. On more than one occasion, I have found that when you try to define the relationship (or DTR as it is known) the situation often becomes more pressured and sticky. As a result, I compiled a list of several stages of the college hook-up scene.

Single: Especially in college, this might be the best stage yet. This allows you the freedom to do what you want without the pressure of having to answer to someone. Being single at some point during college is especially important because it allows you to find the maturity and the independence that you need to possess in the real world (scary, I know, but it’s closer than you think).

Friends with Benefits: You have moved past finding yourself, and instead you’re finding someone new at the Jug. You two text regularly (but never before 11 p.m.). There’s only one purpose of this relationship, and you don’t need me to explain it. You most definitely do not know his or her middle name.

Pseudo-Dating: You obviously know that you’re going to take him or her to your formal and vice versa, but you have never actually agreed upon the basis of your relationship. You talk regularly and unlike the FWB, it’s during daytime hours. In this stage, you and the other person hang out outside of hooking up (shocking, I know). This really is the make or break stage. Tread lightly; either enjoy it for what it is or take the risk of trying to define what you have and potentially changing the relationship’s dynamic. 

Official: Your parents have heard about him or her and are always pestering you for more details. He or she will soon become your weekly #mcm or #wcw and (gasp!) it might even become Facebook official. Not only do you know his or her middle name, but also every little obscure detail regarding extended family, childhood stories and pet peeves. Congrats on

combating the hook-up culture!

On the Outs: The pseudo-dating stage got a little messy, and when you tried define your relationship, it did not go totally as planned. Oh well. Return to my first point and remember that there are other fish (or in this case, Raiders) in the sea.

No matter what, it’s important to focus on your own goals and happiness before trying to incorporate someone else into the picture. And whether you’re DTF or DTR, just keep doing you.