Minus the City: The Hook-Up Hello: Why Caring Less Does Not Mean You Win

Minus the City: The Hook-Up Hello: Why Caring Less Does Not Mean You Win

We all know this scenario a little too well. You can text someone for a booty call or drunk dial them with no problem, yet for some reason making eye-contact and offering a simple smile and hello while up the hill seems like too much of a hassle. Is that really what the problem is? Are students at Colgate too afraid to show basic acts of kindness towards hookups during the daytime hours, or is it something completely different? While some people may just be extremely shy or can only gain the courage to talk with their crush through the help of liquid courage, another potential reason for this lack of affection may be due to the fear of appearing too interested. 

While Colgate’s hookup culture may have many underlying problems, this fear of appearing overly-attached is definitely one of its main faults. It seems that in today’s hookup culture, there is the mentality that “whoever cares less, wins.” While I will admit that I have fallen into this mindset one time too many, I now find myself asking, “Why?” Call me crazy, but I kind of thought that the whole point of hooking up with someone is because you have a least an ounce of interest in them, or potentially even see them as a full-fledged person. Now that this present laissez-faire mentality has taken hold of college campuses across the country, it appears that participants are becoming more like players within the hookup culture and less like individual people. 

According to these current dynamics, there is a constant power struggle in every hookup, fling and even relationship. I truly think that it is harder than ever for college-age students to express any sense of emotion or attachments for fear of being judged. No matter how much things are meant to be equal, someone always falls harder than the other person. Let’s be honest, breakups are never truly mutual and the course of the relationship (no matter how casual it may be) always has some sort of power struggle. As stoic as college students may appear, they are just as afraid (if not more so) of rejection as everyone else. As a result, people use defense mechanisms in order to avoid being hurt. No girl wants to be labeled as clingy, and likewise while guys often times like the chase, they do not like being blown off. And so the notion that whoever is less emotionally invested in the relationship (or fling or one night stand or whatever it may be, because honestly who even uses labels nowadays) wins. 

According to a study done by New York University Sociologist Paula England, men and women on college campuses share about equal hopes that a hookup will turn into something more. And yet, there seems to be an epidemic occurring in which no one wants to be labeled the “emotional” or “overly-attached” party. If you have been on Yik Yak lately (and I would honestly suggest this app as a great way to procrastinate, especially during midterms) you’ll have, without a doubt, seen a handful of yaks ranting about wanting a significant other. Yet, very few people seem willing, or possibly mature enough, to break down this perceived barrier and stop with the mind games.

I cannot even begin to express (at least for girls) how much time is spent agonizing over what to respond to a guy’s text. It really should not be that hard to just type the first few sentences that come to mind and hit send. But instead we agonize over waiting just the right amount of time – to let the other person know that we’re busy – before responding with a short, vague answer to try and cover the fact that you actually rewrote that same message about four times. And to establish that you are obviously the one that cares less. But in the end what’s the point? 

Through Ginnifer Goodwin’s character Gigi in the movie He’s Just Not That Into You thoroughly explains the importance of taking romantic risks when she exclaims, “You’ve think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an a** of yourself that way but you don’t fall in love that way either. You have not won. You’re alone. I may do a lot of stupid s*** but I’m still a lot closer to love than you are.” 

Goodwin sums up exactly what needs to be said. If you never put yourself out there, you’ll never experience anything greater than what you already have. So maybe next time you see a hookup, stop and chat. Show some interest. Instead of the Colgate Hello, we should really consider instating the Hookup Hello as a valuable alternative.