This fashion phenomenon goes by many names: high-low skirt, waterfall hemline and, my personal favorite, the mullet skirt. These asymmetric skirts have their origins in Victorian fashion, which is where they should have stayed.

When the mullet skirt was reintroduced in 2011, I figured it was a passing trend. The maxi skirt had been around for a while and people wanted to show off a little bit more leg while companies wanted to use a little less fabric while charging you more money. I bought one carefully chosen dress with a subtle mullet, but stopped there knowing that this trend would come and go, leaving me with an un-wearable dress that was “so last season.”

Years have passed and I still see you strutting around the academic quad in your mullet. I understand; there is something about the asymmetric hemline that makes you feel different and automatically stylish. There is something very appealing about how the low end of your skirt catches in the wind and creates a perpetual sense of drama in your outfit.

However, you look absurd. The back end of your skirt is actually whipping you or the poor soul walking too close to you in the leg. I watch you, concerned that you are getting whiplash and wondering how long it will take for you to trip over your own dress. 

So, fine, it was summer and the breeze created by your mullet skirt has been refreshing in the sticky humid air. You were scared of wearing knee-length business skirts to your internship, so you figured that a high-low skirt averaged out and your co-workers failed to inform you that your apparel was NSFW.

But enough is enough. We have returned to Hamilton and although the sun has been shining, we know that air is biting cold. I beg of you, please do not attempt to transition that mullet skirt into fall. Do not pair your favorite pair of boots with your favorite mullet skirt to make that perfect fall outfit. Do not buy a new mullet skirt in wool or silk to create a warmer version of your favorite summer outfit.

Leave that mullet in the back of your closet. Or better yet, throw it away or transfer it to your costume drawer to wear to “Things That Used to Be Cool”-themed parties. You can pair your beloved high-low skirt with a hair mullet and sing along with Billy Ray Cyrus as you sing, “I want my mullet back, My old Camaro and my eight track, Fuzzy dice hangin’ loose and proud, I want my mullet back.”  

Contact Rachel Eisen at [email protected].