Minus the City 9/9

Sex is nothing without rejection. My dad once told me that no

matter what, if you see a cute girl, it never hurts to ask her out

because the worst thing she could possibly do is say no. And you

know what? That’s a pretty damn good philosophy to have or else

you’d be pretty screwed here. Let’s be honest here, every single

person reading this column has been rejected by someone, at

some point, possibly more than once. And if some of you are sitting

there saying, “That’s never happened to me,” well then I thank god

everyday that I’m not as big of a douche as you are.

The thing is though, rejection comes in many forms. Let’s think

about it at the most innocent level first. This one time, I met this cute ass waitress at a restaurant I frequently attend at home. After a few weeks of sizing her up and engaging in tidbits of conversation while she poured me coffee, I finally got the balls to ask her out. She says yes. We make plans. A few days later, bitch calls me up and tells me she changed her mind. The hell? It’s one thing to get told no flat out, but to string someone along for a few days and get them all excited about the prospect of enjoying their company in a public and then possibly intimate setting is just plain wrong.

Then there’s getting rejected when emotion and the person’s name

are totally unimportant and the only thing that’s on your mind is

putting your penis and/or vagina between someone’s legs. First

there’s simple rejection. This is probably the most common. Let’s

say you’re at the Jug. You start dancing with a girl. You do this for

a little while. You think she’s into it. You make your move to turn

her around and get all up in that, and she pushes you away and goes over to her friends. It sucks but it is a minor setback.

No let’s step it up. You’ve made your move and it worked. You may

have possibly learned her name, but that’s not important. You lean

in to ask her to go back with you and she says, “I have to take care of my friend.” That’s a lie, and she’s just telling you no in a backwards way.

Now here are the worst forms. She says yes to going back with you

to your room. You decide to walk home in order to convey interest

in something else other than her cup size. You get all the way back to your residence, thinking of the great things to come, and she stops you at the door and says, “I’ve had a great time, but I’m tired and I think I’m just gonna go to bed.” Okay, whatever, I get it but if we’ve gone this far it just seems pointless to have told me this now when we are literally 20 feet from my bed.

Then there is the worst form. You’re in bed. Checkmate. She’s all

kinds of into it and has stripped you down, getting you ready to

do the do. In your mind, you’re in the clear and rejection couldn’t

possibly happen. But what does she do? Says, uh-uh and gives you a handy thinking that will in some way satisfy you. Trust me, it

doesn’t. Could’ve done that myself with more room to sleep.

But, in all those cases, the worst thing they did was say no. Well,

except for that last one. Things got messy and there was some

chafing, but still trivial. Sometimes we just have to go along with it

and accept what comes to us. Cause hey, there’s always the next one.