40 Days of Denial: Lenten Vows to Break

40 Days of Denial: Lenten Vows to Break

Victoria Cubera

Ah, Lent – that time of year when Christians everywhere practice the art of self-denial in preparation for the coming of Easter (and Spring Party Weekend). If you’re at a loss for something to give up this year, look no further than this handy-dandy list, compiled with love, care and sarcasm, by yours truly. After all, who needs social norms?

Top Ten Things To Give Up For Lent:

Smoking. My Dad gives up smoking every year for Lent. He hasn’t actually smoked (as far as I know) for over 20 years. Giving up something you don’t do anyway is a great way to convince yourself that you’re improving your willpower, and there’s nothing like a positive, confident outlook to really turn your life around!

Drunk Internet Use. From Facebooking to emailing to online shopping, the internet can be a dangerous place while drinking. If you’re tired of questionable status updates and even more questionable purchases, do yourself a favor and just say no to your computer at 2 a.m. on Saturday. And remember: No means no, even

in binary.

Hooking Up. Do you really need to wake up in Curtis/Birch/Hubbardsville every weekend? Your bed misses you. Maybe 40 nights of staying between your own sheets alone sounds unbearable, but no one wants an STI in their Easter basket, either.

Drinking So Damn Much. Closing down the Glass is all well and good, unless you’re doing it on a regular basis. I know you want to be a Big Shot, but listening to you screech along with the jukebox really ruins the atmosphere when I’m trying to enjoy the Olympics with my rum and coke. Besides, think of how much better you’ll look during Spring Party weekend if you abstain from all of those alcohol calories now!

Texting. Another great way to improve your human interactions is to actually have conversations face-to-face! I know, it’s really convenient to be able to have conversations about everyone else in the room without them hearing you via text, but phone bills and vocal chords alike would love it if you gave up texting this Lent.

Colgate Inn Trivia. If you stop going, there will be more tables for the rest of us. Everyone wins. Except you, but hey, Lent is about penance anyway. Good job, champ.

Stressing. Meditation, yoga, and more sleep are all great ways to lower your stress levels… but let’s be honest. Midterm week falls during Lent, which means giving up stress probably isn’t going to work. It’s okay, though: you can always get back on the wagon. Just let go.

Doing work. Personally, I’ve already given up doing work for my classes, and it’s going very well so far. I have more time to see my friends, more time to sleep and I’m generally in a better mood concerning life, until I start to think about everything I’m not doing. That’s why pairing numbers three and four is a great Lenten endeavor.

Bathing. Are you tired of relationship drama in your life? Do your friends annoy you? Can you just not shake that creepy girl who likes to email you for no apparent reason and may or may not talk about you all the time? Fix all your problems this Lent! Stop bathing, and watch in amazement as your human interactions become

much simpler.

Sleep. Not enough time in the day to read for class, write your papers, work on your honors project, apply for jobs, feed yourself, have a social life and attend to mundane things like taking out the trash? No worries, just give up sleep for Lent! By sleeping as little as possible, you can increase your productivity exponentially!