Graphic by Grace Ashley

Whenever I look at the news or open The New York Times app, my stomach drops a little. It seems as though the world is shifting on its axis, with political upheavals, social unrest and climate crises. It’s a nauseating and often terrifying time to live in. This sense of instability seems to bleed into everything, including our relationships.

At a school like Colgate University, where a diverse range of perspectives on current issues exists, I have often found myself hesitating to talk about current issues because I’m unsure where others stand. But I know this uncertainty isn’t unique to me — it’s part of a larger societal challenge that many people face as polarization intensifies on a global scale.

Around the world, divisions along political, cultural and moral lines are starker than ever. Families are split over ideologies, friendships fracture over differing beliefs and casual conversations can often feel like walking through a minefield. 

Growing up in a Southern California bubble where nearly everyone shared the same beliefs, the only time I ever had to debate my views was with my grandparents — ‘debates’ that often led nowhere due to their age and inability to acknowledge that President Ronald Reagan was no longer in office. But coming to Colgate, I found myself becoming friends with people only to later realize I fundamentally disagree with them.

These types of situations have often made me meditate on what friendship actually means. Must it require agreement on all fronts, or is there value in befriending those who don’t mirror your own perspectives?

This isn’t just a personal struggle, as I have spoken to many others who have been dealing with similar inner turmoil. On one hand, there’s a strong case for engaging with people who challenge your views. In theory, it fosters growth, forcing you to refine your beliefs, strengthen your arguments and step outside ideological echo chambers. Exposure to differing perspectives is a critical part of learning how to engage with a world that is rarely black and white. In a polarized global climate where compromise feels increasingly rare, these skills are essential for basically any career or future.

But the reality is far messier. There’s often an internal squeamishness when someone challenges deeply held values or beliefs. Engaging with opposing viewpoints feels emotionally draining, especially when those views clash with personal ethics. Tolerance, while often idealized, is not a limitless resource. While it’s one thing to tolerate different opinions on taxes or infrastructure, reconciling friendships where others’ beliefs challenge your fundamental sense of morality is a whole other beast. In a world as frightening and uncertain as the one we live in today, it can feel like a betrayal of your principles even to entertain certain disagreements. So, how do you engage respectfully without compromising your own convictions? And how do you set boundaries without closing yourself off completely?

There are no easy answers to these questions, and perhaps that’s the point. Navigating friendships in a polarized world requires constant recalibration of the situation, recognizing when it’s worth leaning into discomfort and when it’s necessary to protect your peace. We live in a time when radical viewpoints — on both sides — are often bred in information-limiting environments. Social media algorithms feed us only what we want to see, and friend groups as well as communities tend to self-select into ideological echo chambers. When we disengage completely, we only reinforce these divisions, creating a feedback loop that drives people further apart. Disengagement may feel like the safer and more comfortable option, but it cannot — and should not — be the societal default.

This isn’t to say we have to accept every opinion as valid or give our time and energy to harmful or hateful perspectives. Boundaries are essential, especially when those boundaries protect your mental and emotional well-being. But boundaries aren’t the same as walls. The danger of cutting yourself off entirely is that it denies the possibility of understanding, growth and even change for everyone. The ability to challenge and refine each other’s perspectives is what prevents society from stagnating or fracturing entirely.