At Colgate University — an environment where friends, crushes, classmates and teammates are all so close by — we may often feel the need to explore different relationships. For the first time in our lives we have such easy access to our social life. Shouldn’t we take advantage of it? When will we ever live right alongside 3,000 other people our own age again? You may even feel a sense of isolation, like everyone else is doing a better job at taking advantage of this amazing opportunity, whether you see people with more friends, involved in more clubs, or pursuing more relationships.
As a college student, it’s definitely important to put yourself out there, be friendly and kind to everyone, and appreciate the diversity of other people’s lived experiences. However, in such a highly stimulating environment, you also need to find outlets that let you relax, and you shouldn’t force yourself to do things you don’t want to do. When it comes to relationships, you might feel pressured to partake because your friends are in them, or you might just be influenced by the countless stereotypes that romanticize college hookup culture. These influences can lead to people pursuing relationships that aren’t genuine, but you deserve to be happy in any relationship.
I believe disingenuous relationships can hurt people, often making people feel used and like they aren’t good enough to be loved properly, but I also believe that if two people in a relationship can recognize that a casual commitment would bring them happiness, then the relationship can be healthy.
It’s also normal for people to crave security, especially at college where everything is new, but you should avoid choosing a significant other out of comfort. Relying on another person to be your support system because you’re scared you won’t have anyone else to comfort you, rather than of out of love, can be damaging. If you choose to date someone because you want the status and confirmation that somebody will support you unconditionally, then you’re sacrificing genuine love for yourself and this person without realizing it.
I believe the most important thing you can do for yourself in life, — but especially in college, where it’s easy to get distracted — is to figure out what makes you happy. You might think being intimate with someone for a brief period of time will make you happy. Maybe you think, I don’t want to miss out on the ‘college experience,’ so I should see this person. That relationship could definitely make you happy in the moment. You might even feel comfortable randomly running into them after the relationship has run its course, maybe you’re unfazed even if they’re with a new person. If that’s the case, you were able to recognize what casual relationships would make you happy. To me, that’s an indicator that, by all means, you should pursue different relationships.
On the other hand, such brief relationships could hurt you and make you feel used. Going from oversharing with someone to seeing them as a haunting presence around campus can be unbearably awkward and even painful for many. To the reader, I suggest taking a step back in this incredibly fast-paced world and asking yourself some questions: what kind of relationship will truly make you happy? Is it ever worth it to pursue something you don’t necessarily want? How do you go about partaking in casual, short-term relationships? How much information are you willing to share with a future stranger?
There is no right or wrong way for romantic relationships to exist, only right or wrong reasons. Understand why you seek a relationship, what would make you the happiest, and then move forward accordingly. There’s nothing wrong with figuring yourself out first.
