This article is brought to you by Marooned!, the newest college satire in America.
It’s well-known in Hamilton that the money has gone to The Maroon-News’ head. Since 1868, the publication has raked in the dough, and subscribers from New York to LA can’t get enough of its coverage. But the years of success and prestige have resulted in layers of bureaucracy and secrecy. What hidden motivations have shaped newsroom practices and impacted coverage over the years? Luckily, I’ve worked as a double agent through my time in The Maroon-News to bring you this exposé. I’ve worked my way up the ranks to bring to you selected conversations with top Maroon-News officials. I’ll leave it up to you whether it’s still worth it to keep paying the hefty subscription.
Q: How much money have you made from The Maroon-News?
Editor-in-Chief: Officially? Nothing. Under the table, though? Well, just the bribes amount to a few years’ worth of tuition. The administration here has a lot it would like to keep hidden. The earnings from covering up scandals and personal controversies cover more than just printing costs, and it’s not that hard to pocket the leftover money.
Q: Tell me about your place in the Hamilton news ecosystem.
Head News Editor: We’re constantly fighting with the multiple newspapers in town. Whenever something of note happens in town, we send our writers running; it’s basically a half-mile sprint from James C. Colgate Hall to town. It’s a dog-eat-dog world out here in central New York, but we always come out on top.
Q: What’s it like managing the most-respected section?
Head Arts & Features Editor: It takes a lot of work to publish content that lives up to our big reputation. But it’s worth it. On campus, gallery curators fear the intense reviews our critics publish — but it’s not just up-the-hill affairs that our coverage influences. It’s been proven that our 13 Beats series directly impacts the Billboard Hot 100, and our book reviews routinely get millions of views on BookTok. It’s not easy and there’s a lot of pressure, but our team manages.
Q: What if I want more global coverage? Do I really have to turn to The New York Times?
Executive Editor: We have reporters stationed worldwide. Our writers studying abroad stay involved with The Maroon-News and let us provide critical coverage on Iran, Lebanon, Gaza, Venezuela and more. So no, you don’t have to redeem Colgate’s student subscription to the Financial Times — we have all of the breaking news right here.
Q: How have you expanded your coverage beyond just the print newspaper?
Special Projects Manager: We’ve started a “’Gate Take” series that has proved to be very popular. As it turns out, Colgate students have a lot to say. We can barely enter the Coop with our bluetooth microphone before students line up, spilling hot takes about critical issues such as where they get their coffee from, or What Really Happened at Senior Wine Night (we’re still speculating). But sometimes the fame is too much. On days when we need to keep our heads down, me and my co-host don wigs and unusual outfits to walk on campus without being recognized.
